


Fine

by caxsthetic



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Cheating, Depression, Established Relationship, F/M, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Overdose, Post-Haikyuu!! Chapter 402: Final Chapter: Challengers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:35:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26768104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caxsthetic/pseuds/caxsthetic
Summary: Sometimes no matter how long you have loved them, if they don’t want to stay, they wouldn’t stay.For the past ten years of your life, you devoted yourself to someone who you never thought that could be yours. A hardworking one, someone that wanted to pursue his dream. You were there for him when he was nothing. But together with you, your hands and his build a tower so high that everyone wanted to be a part of it.Yet now as you stood with him, interlacing your fingers with his right hand — you didn't realise as his other hand grasped another.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu & Reader, Miya Osamu/Reader, Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou
Comments: 43
Kudos: 125





	1. Just Fine

Your eyes focused on the television in front of you, the screen was the only thing that lit the darkroom you were in right now. You felt safe as you laid there on the couch with huge amounts of blankets wrapped around your figure. 

It calmed you down and made you forget about everything that happened in your life recently.

You didn’t bother to check your phone, knowing for certain whose name would pop out on your notifications. You really didn’t need a reminder that someone just broke you into a million little pieces.

To be loved was something that not every human being could feel. You knew that, and the fact you actually _believed_ that someone would love you was one thing that you would regret as you wake up every morning.

And you fall to the mirage, for the past ten years in your life.

You and him always belonged in each other's side, everyone that saw the two of you could even see how the future would unfold perfectly. They always said that you and him would end up in marriage,

And tragically, you believed in every word that they said, since it boosted your confidence that someone like you could actually have someone as majestic as him to be your significant other.

 _The_ Miya Osamu, one of the most successful entrepreneurs below thirty-three, the one person that had your heart since you were sixteen,

And the one who broke your trust.

_It was Saturday night, both of you were laying together on the couch in your shared house. The house that used to be empty, a house that was so cheap that the two of you could afford right after graduating from college._

_But little by little, the house turned into a safe haven, renovated with all the contemporary detail as the two of you poured your blood and sweat into this house,_

_A house that has now become a home, the place that made the two of you believe everything would be alright. Just the two of you together, and maybe someday, filled with another little Miya._

_His arms wrapped loosely around your figure while you rested your head on top of his chest. He would occasionally caress your hair gently, and you would close your eyes to feel all of his affection._

_It was your weekend break when the two of you soaked in each other’s warmth; the time when the two of you closed yourself from the universe, when everything just rotated around you and him._

_The atmosphere that surrounded the two of you was so serene. Though, it all changed when he appeared on the television screen all of a sudden. Your eyes lit up immediately, realising that it was your fiancé who was now being interviewed on screen._

_You sat up, straightening your posture as your body leaned towards the television. Proudness welled up inside your heart as you heard him answering questions after questions that were being thrown at him._

_He always told you everything about Onigiri Miya. About all the events, all of his interviews, a new branch that he opened, even all the commercial plans. He did that, because he knew you would be so proud of him. Having someone that constantly praised you was addicting to him._

_But what you didn’t notice as you were so excited to see him on the screen, was the horror on his face as he remembered the reason why he didn’t tell you about this interview._

_“ **A**_ **_nd how about you and your_ ** **_fiancée_ _?_ ** **Is the wedding bell around the corner?** _"_

_“Babe, this is embarrassing, let’s just change the channel.” He pleaded, but you were too focused on the television, your eyes never leave the screen as a wide grin plastered on your face, “Babe, please-”_

_“_ **_Unfortunately no, please don’t ask about my personal life_ ** _."_

_But then, your smile was replaced with a confused look as you heard his answer._

_Your name was known as the woman behind the Onigiri Miya, the support system that everyone wanted to have in their life with how loyal you were towards the one that you loved. And as your fiancé, he always answered questions about you with pride lingering on his face._

_So when you saw him averting his gaze to the corner while answering the question, you knew that something was up._

_“Samu, has something happened?” You finally turned towards him, “Do you want to talk about it, love?” Your eyes locked onto his face, wondering why he stayed silent and just looked away from you, “You know that I am always up to talk about anything with you, right?”_

_Yet the reason behind his unusual answer was something that you could never prepare yourself for. You could feel your breath hitched once he met your gaze. His eyes were filled with sadness, orbs glistening with tears as he finally dared to look up at you._

_Then just like that, he averted your gaze once again, and that’s when you knew that he was hiding something from you._

_“Samu,” Your hand gently wrapped around his much larger hand; you could feel how the man was trembling. Your fiancé's skin felt as cold as ice compared to yours, “Love, what is it? Please look at me, I am worried for you, Samu.”_

_Your fiancé let out a sigh, squeezing your hand a little before pulling away from you. You eyed him as he stood up from the couch, eyes staring down at you with remorse evident on his face._

_“I-I am sorry,” His voice trembled as he couldn’t look straight into your eyes anymore, “I did something. Something bad,” Tears were streaming down his face as he sobbed._

_By that, you immediately stood up, wrapping your arms around him to give some comfort,_

_“Sshhh, Samu, it’s alright…” You didn’t know what was it about, but the only thing in your mind right now was to make sure he would be alright, “We can talk about it-”_

_“But that's the thing. We can’t!” Osamu suddenly snapped, pulling himself away from your embrace as he realised that he didn’t deserve any of your affection, “This is something that we cannot talk about, (Y/N).”_

_“Samu, you don’t know about that-”_

_“_ I ' _m cheating on you!_ _"_

_And at those four words, you swore you could hear your heart break. You immediately took a step backwards as you wrapped your arms around your own body, feeling the temperature dropping._

_You bit your lip, mind still trying to process the words._ **_Cheating_.** _That was something that you never thought someone like Miya Osamu would do. Hell, it was something that you never thought any of your family or friends would do, let alone your fiancé._

_“W-with who?” You were always there for him, and you knew damn well no matter who it was, the answer would tear yourself apart. However, you needed to know. You needed to know what they had that you didn’t that could make him did this to you._

_“(Y/N)-”_

_“With. Who.” Your eyes bored into his with a look that he couldn’t fathom as you hardened your voice, “I deserve to know the whole sto-”_

_“It’s Rintarou.” But you didn’t expect_ **_your brother’s name_ ** _to be leaving your fiancé's lips. “We happened to meet up a lot when I planned the branch for Onigiri Miya in East Japan, I-”_

_“That was six months ago…” You muttered under your breath when the realisation hit you. Osamu could feel the lump in his throat as he still decided to either speak or stay silent._

_Although just like what you said, you deserved to know the whole story._

_“We have been meeting each other ever since.” He gulped down, his voice beginning to break, “Every week, when you are busy in your office.”_

_Never once in your life have you thought you would be in this position right now. Tears were streaming down your face as you looked up to the man that you sacrificed everything for._

_“What kind of meeting?” Right now, your voice betrayed you as it cracked a little. “How far have two of you gone?” By the forlorn look on his face, it was enough for you to know, “For god sake, Samu!”_

_You chuckled bitterly, dazed by the fact you have been betrayed by the two most important people that you had in this life. Right now you couldn’t even think straight. The feelings you felt right now were all too much. All that you wanted at the moment was just to vanish._

_Your fiancé walked up towards you, regret evident inside his beautiful orb, glistening with tears. Because he knew, he just broke one person who was always there for him from the start. The women who supported him through thick and thin. From when he was still nothing._

_You were someone who was there when the spotlight was only rotated around his brother. You were there during every breakdown, every failed recipe, every declined partnership. You were always there for him, patiently supporting him through everything._

_“I am sorry, (Y/N).” His voice wavered, both hands timidly extended towards you. Solicitude struck him to the core as he wanted to pull you into his embrace, but at the same time, Osamu knew he had broken you beyond repair. “I didn’t mean to do it… It just happened.”_

_You snorted in between your tears when you heard his words. From all the movies and television series that you have watched together with him, you always heard the same sentence numerous times already. The words that popped out..._

_From the lips of the character who_ **_cheated._ **

_“Having sex with someone- no. Not just someone,” You coated your pain with a snarky remark, trying to act tough in front of the man who broke your heart, “When you have sex with your fiancé's brother every time she wasn't around can't be excused with_ **_'it just happened_ '** _, Samu.”_

_Osamu knew the second he captured someone else’s lips, he could never turn it back around. He just cheated on you, someone who didn’t deserve to be treated like this. You, who would leave everything behind if that means he could be happy._

_Even if that means you would never have your own happy ending._

_Cheating is a taboo relationship that was made by two people who agreed to get into it, and he understood that what he had with the professional volleyball player could never end up well. Yet he did it anyway, for the last six months. With your very own **brother**. _

_It was more like a neverending nightmare for you. To have someone that you gave your whole heart to, the same someone who you spent your whole early life with, only to stab you in the back._

_Two people who broke your heart were the two people you trusted the most. And each one of them was someone who you held dear inside your heart._

The buzzing sounds from your phone brought you back to reality. You groaned because once again, you fell to the unwanted memories that you were trying so hard to forget.

To have the only relationship you ever had falling apart was something that you never prepared yourself to. Up until now, you never knew how it felt to get your heart broken. From all the fights that you had with Osamu, none of them could crack the strong bond that you two shared.

The bond that was now all broken when he decided to get in bed with your brother.

You unconsciously touched your face, feeling the warm tears cascading down your cheek as you wiped it all away with your sleeves. You hated yourself because you felt so blind believing in every word that people said about how you and Osamu would last forever.

Your hand reached for your phone, wondering who in the right mind would call you this late at night. There was no way it was your ex-fiancé, because he always gave you space and only called you in your free time.

You furrowed your eyebrows when you saw the name on the screen. It was Atsumu. 

Every time you saw his name, your mind would only think about his twin brother instead; you cursed yourself for even thinking about Osamu all over again. Even when the said man just broke you apart.

Without thinking, you declined the call and decided to turn off your phone for tonight. Your eyes bore into the now black screen, looking out to the reflection of your face. There used to be a glimmer of joy and warmth, but now it was just a blank expression as it stared back into your soul.

_“I am sorry,” You were so tired of hearing the same sentence over and over again. “I shouldn’t have been selfish.” Your brother was a man of silence, yet here he was right now in front of the new house you were staying in, repeating the words that he said over the phone since last week._

_“There’s no need to say sorry, Rinrin.” You bit your lips, eyes never leaving the ground, “You love him, it’s not your fault to fall in love with… With the same man that I l-love.” You could see how he clenched his fist, and you knew that he felt guilty over it._

_There were a lot of things inside his head at the moment as he stood in front of the woman that always had her faith in him. You were the best sister that anyone could even ask for, that one family who he wanted to live the happiest life because you deserved it all._

_He felt like a hypocrite because he knew he was the one who took the happiness away from you._

_“I broke it off with him,” He muttered under his breath, afraid to see your reaction from the news. Right now, the realisation that he just hurt you was more painful than the fact he just broke up with his lover._

_He expected you to be angry at him, saying it doesn’t matter anyway because things already happened and he couldn’t change the past. Maybe you would even curse and punch him; he would be okay if that was your reaction._

_Then again, he forgot that it was_ **_you_ ** _who stood in front of him._

_“Why?” Your voice was calm as you looked up at him, “Don’t you love Samu, Rinrin?” His breath hitched from the question. Today was supposed to be the day he finally faced you, apologizing for all the heartbreak he put you through. So why was focus suddenly thrown at him?_

_“I do,” He hesitated to answer that question at first, but he knew too well that you already knew what was inside his heart. Then his eyes widened as he saw a sincere smile plastered on your face._

_“So don’t break it off,” You whispered the words so easily as you reached for his hand, “I-I know how much he loves you,” For now, you really hoped his feeling was real,_ _“He is a loyal man, and he would never do such a thing if he wasn't really in love with you, Rinrin.”_

_Your hand felt so warm as your thumb grazed on the back of his hand. With that little gesture, your brother broke down in front of you, hiccuping from the immense guilt that brewed inside his heart._

_“I am sorry, you don’t deserve this.” He sobbed, and you couldn’t help but bring his head to your embrace anyway, “I am sorry, I am sorry.”_

_People told you that you were too kind for your own good. You have been wrecked by them, torn apart by them. None of them deserves to be treated right, and society would not even be surprised if you wanted to cut everything off from them._

_But you were not like that, you could never act like that._

_“It’s alright, Rin…” Your hand fell on his hair, holding back your own tears as you realised what it would mean to let them together, “It will be alright,” They would, but not you. Not now, not forever._

No matter how many times you tried to shake away all of the pain, you couldn’t just undo the love that you felt for Osamu as easily as you want to. Your feelings have been there since the first year of your high school days, it was always there since your brother asked you to watch his game.

Since the two of you broke off the engagement- _for an obvious reason-_ , you only saw him on the television. Sometimes you still look back at all the messages that he had sent for you; laughing over the joke, smiling from his sweet words, but ended up with tears as you remember there would be no more messages like that.

So you could only stare at the blank screen of your phone, the reflection showed how your eyes glistened with tears once more.

“ **Oh! That’s Miya Osamu!** ” You jerked your head back to the television, heart beats a lot faster by just the mention of his name, “ **Come on, make sure you got a good angle of him.** ”

You chuckled, a little smile adorned your face as you saw him looking as gorgeous as ever with a black suit wrapped around his torso. He was in some kind of red carpet gala, and of course, invited there as he was one of the most successful entrepreneurs of the century.

He received a lot of invitation, but he would usually turn it down if you couldn’t be his plus one due to how busy you are with your own business sometimes. So when you realised what does it mean for him to be there, you dropped your phone to the ground,

Right when your brother appeared on the screen.

“ **You look so good tonight, Osamu!** ”

“ **Thank you, I couldn’t do it without his help.** ”

You thought you were ready to see them on the same frame. Their eyes glimmered with something that the camera could even catch,

“ **The two of you looked so good together, I am jealous!** ”

“ **Really? I guess we do, huh?** ”

From the look on his face, you knew that Miya Osamu really fall in love with the man in his arm,

“ **Is the wedding bell around the corner?** ”

It was the same question, the same question that he received a year ago at the night he confessed what he did to you,

“ **Yeah,** ”

But the answer was so different, nothing like the time when he was still yours.

“ **The wedding bell is around the corner for sure.** ”

He kissed the man beside him, a loving smile adorned his face as your brother chuckled with blush spread around his cheek.

It used to be you, to be in his embrace as he showed the world how much he loves you. It used to be you, to be the one who received his kiss and affection. It used to be you, who wore the match engagement ring with him.

Sometimes you wonder what would happen if you never gave them permission to be together. You wonder if any of you still get hurt, or maybe by time all of the broken trust would be healed, and the three of you would have a beautiful future with someone else.

Your friends told you to walk away from your past, telling you that your ex-fiancé and your brother didn’t deserve to be together since both of them stabbed you from behind. 

For six months, without you knowing. For six months, as you laid in his embrace with his heart belonged to someone else. For six months, you kissed the lips that had captured another.

Then again, you love them, a little bit too much that even though they were the one who took away the smile from your face, you couldn’t just let them suffer. Either from guilt, or from the heartbreak that would haunt them.

You knew how it felt since he decided to love someone else other than you, you were damn knew how it felt to love someone, but couldn’t have them anymore,

So who are you to stop two people _in love_ from being together?


	2. Be Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things would always haunt us. No matter how far, no matter how long we have been trying to run away from them.

He never knew heartbreak.

For almost thirty years of his life, Miya Osamu never knew how it feels to have his heart shattered into a million little pieces.

Since he was sixteen, he had a lover that always took care of him. He had you, someone who devoted all of your life for him, even abandoning your own dream to make sure that you could always be there by his side in a matter of seconds.

There was no one as loyal as you, the woman who got a lot of people standing in line just to get some attention from. Osamu didn’t have to be worried that someday you would leave him, he didn’t have to ask who you were with for every few minutes. Because he knew damn well — that you would turn down everyone who showed you even a glimpse of interest.

So he kept coming back to the moment he knocked on your brother’s apartment all those months ago. He kept replaying how his hand touched the brunette’s cheek, how his lips captured the unfamiliar plump lips, how he got in bed with someone else that was not you.

What worse from that, was the fact he kept coming back to the same new routine.

He didn’t particularly know when his feelings for you started to vanish into the thin air. There was just no spark anymore when he kissed you, no fiery flame that he usually felt when he pushed you to the bed and devoured you for the rest of the night. Something that used to fulfil his mind and soul satisfaction, became just a physical necessity.

The sound of vegetables being cut was the only thing that rang on his eardrum as he got lost in his mind all over again. Even though he was not alone, he knew better not to make a conversation with his company. His twins, Miya Atsumu.

Ever since he broke it off with you, his twin never stopped pestering him and guilt-tripped him for every chance that he could get. Right now, he even could feel how the brown orbs that belonged to the setter currently sending daggers at the back of his head. 

“Don’t you think you are rushing it?” Atsumu finally cut the silence. He actually never once wanted to intervene or poke his nose on his brother’s life. “Didn't you just start to fuck Sunarin around ten months ago?” But this, this was something that he couldn’t let go as it was.

Because it involved you, you and your very much fragile heart.

Osamu knew too well about how much the setter cared for you. Sometimes he would even think how much better you would be if you fell in love with the blonde instead of him. Atsumu was the one with immense passions, the successful volleyball’s player that had the attention of the whole nation — even beyond.

Yet for all of those years that went by, he was the one who got your heart. And by any chance, he felt like he was winning, at least he was winning something in this life for having a woman that his twin once wanted to have too.

“It’s none of your business.”

He answered with such a curt voice, focusing on the meal that he prepared for his fianc é . Rintarou was away for a week, and he wanted to do something for the love of his life.  _ Yeah _ , the love of his life. He kept telling himself that, about how if he didn’t really love the brunette he would never cheat on you anyway, so he was pretty sure that his feelings right now were real.

Osamu realised how his relationship with the EJP Raijin’s middle blocker would turn out. Too fast as they just want to reach the finish line, to  _ secure  _ a goal, a real win. Not even one thinking about how  _ you _ felt as you can only zip your mouth while standing on the sideline.

He thought that the silence that ensued after his response was enough. That maybe today he could just think about his fianc é with peace. Without you that still managed to slip yourself inside his head, without his twin letting out an opinion about how stupid he was for wasting your life.

But when he heard the stool knocked to the ground behind him, he knew that his nightmare would never end.

“For fuck sake you just dumped (Y/n) four months ago and now you are going to wed her  _ brother _ ?!” Atsumu was seething, stomping on the hardwood floor of his twin’s new apartment with a hand carding his own hair in frustration. “You are  _ disgusting _ .” The setter even spits to the ground, but Osamu didn’t mind it at all.

Because he deserved every insult and hatred that he got.

Atsumu scoffed and grabbed his car keys from the kitchen island when his twin didn’t turn his back to face him. The nausea that he felt when he was around the businessman was sickening, that at this point he wanted nothing but strangle the life off the body of his doppelganger.

It did not come though, another slander or any kind of physical abuse from the setter. The black-haired man just stirred the miso soup that he prepared, numbing his heart and soul, once again acting like someone didn’t want to kill him or something. He knew that Atsumu would surrender, he would get tired anyway when he didn’t receive a response.

When he heard the front door being slammed, that was when he could finally breathe. Osamu didn’t even realise that his hands were trembling, that his skin produced a cold sweat as he once again succumbed to the guilt that eating him alive for every morning that he woke up to.

He still remembered the look inside your eyes, how the warmth that usually there was gone in an instant when he confessed what he had done. He remembered how you took a step backwards every time he walked closer to you, the frightening look that he never thought would be seen from your orbs.

It was only a matter of time before his family and friends knew what he did to you, only a matter of seconds that the news popped on the internet of how the woman behind Onigiri Miya left their shared house — that had been filled with their for years.

His family gave him a look of disappointment, and his twin brother even now could only see him with disdain predominating the brown orbs. But even then, even after what he had done to you, there was no hatred that could be felt radiated from your body. Just utter sadness, and distress. 

Possibly because you were just having your heart crumbled, possibly because you never thought that he would do such a thing to you. But just that. You still look at him with the same love that you showed for him since you were sixteen, not even the tiniest bit of loathe could be seen.

And he didn’t deserve that.

_ “Hey, Rinrin.” Rintarou looked up from his phone, turning his gaze towards you as you twirl your body around. “Penny for your thoughts?” You looked so beautiful with the wedding dress that your mother and he used on her wedding day. _

_ You looked so ready, all grown up now as an engagement ring circled around your finger. He swallowed a huge lump, funny how his long time crush was the one who slid that sophisticated ring on his sister. _

_ “You look good.” He cringed from his own compliment to you. You looked so radiant that he even thought twice whether you were really related to him or not.  _

_ The two of you were nothing alike. You were such an angel with all of the good intentions and positive vibes that you had. While him on the other hand — sometimes he wished for your relationship to end, sometimes he even wished that he never introduced you to his teammates back then in high school. _

_ And he always felt so nasty, because you had never been anything but kind to him. “I mean _ —”

_ “Hehe, I know, Rin.” You chuckled a little and walked closer to his figure. “I know that you wanted to say more than that.” You always knew what was inside his mind that was always filled with thousand random things, a contrast to the words that slipped from his lips. _

_ Always so good, too kind for this world. You never knew how poisonous his mind sometimes no matter how much he loved you. And he always felt so sick for even thinking about such things about your happiness. _

_ You fiddled your fingers, making him raise one of his eyebrows. He knew that you felt nervous, that you were afraid of whatever that could happen in your life. Your mind was filled with thoughts, and he wondered what inside your head right now. He was not you, he couldn’t read his sibling’s mind. _

_ “I want to say thank you, Rin.” You looked down, stroking the ring that adorned your finger. “Thank you for bringing me to your practice that day.” Then you looked up, teary-eyed fell on his face. “Thank you for bringing Samu to my life.” _

_ See? An angel. So innocent, eyes glimmering with hope and love. _

_ How could he even think about tearing those joy away from you? What kind of brother was he for wanting to be in your position? To be such a jealous person and wishing that he didn’t have a sister that could catch the eyes of his crush. _

_ He promised, he promised to himself that he would let you be happy. That his feelings were nothing compared to your happiness. That someday he would find someone else that would be his last harbour. He pulled you close to his embrace, and he could feel how you were so warm, that just having you as a sister was already a blessing. _

_ He would never hurt you, he promised that. _

_Yet two months from now, he broke it so easily as he slithered his hand under your fianc_ é _’s shirt, capturing the lips that caught yours for years. So easily, he did all of that so easily. And he continued to do so, he continued the taboo rendezvous over and over again_ _—_ _as if you were never there, to begin with._

“Rin?” The middle blocker jolted when he heard the familiar voice calling out to him. “Rin, sweetheart?” Why it felt wrong, why it didn’t feel right as the nickname rolled down from the tongue of his love. “You looked pale, are you alright?”

Osamu put down the glass of champagne to the table, ignoring all the blare of music that filled the entire club. He was now worried about how the brunette seemed to be sick. Rintarou didn’t answer, his green eyes were blank as it stared at the bubble on his glass.

“I am not, not really.”

Tonight was their bachelor party, they were supposed to have so much fun together with a bunch of friends. Man and woman, they were all joining the entertaining night. With both of their money combined, the couple reserved a famous club downtown until morning. 

Everything went so good as everyone laughed and danced, some congratulate them, saying that they were happy for them.

But were they  _ really _ happy for them? Or was it all just an act because it was the proper thing to do?

The black-haired man really wanted to part his lips and asked. He wanted to know what could possibly make his fianc é look so gloomy at a party, the party that was held for them. Yet deep down, he knew. He didn’t want to believe it but somehow at the back of his head, he could see it.

“Have you heard anything from (Y/n), Samu?” The nickname rolled so smoothly from Rintarou, the nickname that Osamu allowed only for his twin brother and his lover. Used to be you, the other person that could call him like that used to be Suna (F/n). Not — not Rintarou, not your brother.

It was as if the entire club was being put on hold. They stare at each other, with a look that they couldn’t quite fathom, both didn’t know what was inside each other’s mind. Letting out a sigh, Osamu drew his phone from his pocket, unlocking the screen lock and scrolling through the messages that he had left for you.

All was left ignored.

“The last time she answered my message was three days ago,” Osamu announced, he closed the app and opened it up again, wishing that maybe it was just his phone lagged or his internet connection being a shit. But there was still nothing, no new message even though his phone was in its prime condition.

“What was it all about?”

"About this party." He swallowed a huge lump, biting his bottom's lip to prevent himself from cracking. "She said she would be there for the two of us. Saying that she would always be there." His grey orbs never left the small screen, reading through the passage that you sent.

Rintarou groaned and gulped down the champagne as if it was mineral water. He didn't care about the dizzy feeling that he would get, later on, he didn't care about that at this point. Slamming the glass to the table, he leaned his back on the soft cushion, staring blankly at the glittering ceiling.

It was the same, the last time he heard from you was around three days ago as he asked about whether you would be there to join the party that was being held two nights before the wedding day. You said the same thing, about how you would be here, how he didn't have to worry about anything, that you were not going anywhere.

But it had been three hours and yet the gigantic door of the club still closed without your existence graced this place.

"Osamu." Now the black-haired man was the one who jolted. "Michinari hit his limit now, I need to help him get back to his place." The voice that belonged to his old captain brought him back to reality. "Is it alright to go home early?"

A little smile was there on Kita's face as both of his hands were propping to help the now wasted apothecary. Akagi said that he would have work tomorrow, and yet he was the one who got so drunk, making the dual coloured haired man snicker at the fact.

"Oh, yes. Of course, it's alright Kita-san." Osamu immediately stood up, followed by Rintarou as they bowed to the man that they had immense respect to. "Please take care, we couldn't wait to see you on the wedding day." He said it so smoothly as if it was something that he practised in front of the mirror for hours.

"Alright then. We will take our leave." Kita bowed a little, turning his back after that and focused on the man in his care. But before he could take another step forward, Akagi yanked his attention back to the couple.

"Ngh, please take care of (Y/n)-chan." His voice was a slurred, yet everyone could get his point across. "She had been asking me for more sleeping pills, I think she had trouble sleeping." The ex-libero said it so effortlessly as if it didn't make the two men in front of him feel like being poured with cold water.

The couple looked at each other, nodding and smiled at the wasted man.

"We will, Akagi-san. I am going to check up on her tomorrow."

Satisfied with the answer, their upperclassmen finally turned away completely. The businessman still had a soft smile on his face, waving his hand to the two fleeting figures. And when they finally walked past the door, he could finally let out a breath that he didn't even realise he held it in.

"I will check her tomorrow," Rintarou muttered under his breath. "You had been there the last time, now it's my turn." He missed you, he felt like he missed something in his life every time he had an official match and couldn't see you on the bleachers.

You were always pushing him forward, always the first person who came when he needed company, the first person that helped him pick up all of his pieces and made it intact once again every time he was down.

So maybe he would be the one who helped you up now. Maybe it was time for him to have your back.

Yet at the same time, he felt like it was not his place anyway.

Since he was the one — who shattered your life into pieces.

»»————- ♔ ————-««

The morning light peeking through the curtain. It stung his vision as it was the first thing that he saw. Was it morning? The sun was too bright to consider that right now was still early. Suna groaned, sitting up straight on the bed since he remembered that he needed to go to your house today.

His eyes darted to his side, eyebrows raised as he realised that he was alone. He still needed to get used to this house, the trace of you could still be felt on every corner of the walls. Swallowing a huge lump, he immediately got out from the bed, once again disgusted with himself as he realised that he slept on the bed where you slept for years.

He never thought about it before, when he first got lost on the same bed with the black-haired man. For the first six months of his lust-filled night, your existence was nothing to him. He knocked, being led to the bed, whimpering and groaning as the dainty fingers that usually shaped onigiri — shaping him into whatever that his lover wanted him to be.

Did you really want to see him? What if you wanted some space? Osamu once told him that both of them could not pressure you. They needed to give you time. After all, you already allowed them to be together, you were alright with it as you pushed the two of them to be together once again. You already forgave — no,  _ wait _ .

You never said anything about forgiving them.

Rintarou groaned frustratedly as he jumped under the shower. His nails dug the hard surface of the tiles as the shame and guilt started to tear his sanity little by little. He shook his head, wanting to believe that you were happy for them. You let them together, to be in love with each other, at least they got your blessing. That was enough.

The brunette just decided to do a quick shower, grabbing a random shirt and boxer from the drawer. He needed to do something, he needed Osamu. They needed to talk, he would go insane if it would be going around like this. It felt too much; the scent, the aura, everything in this house just screamed  _ you _ .

He hurriedly walked downstairs, his heart beating so fast all of a sudden as if he was running away from a serial killer. Rintarou needed to talk things out, either to his fiancé, or his lovely sister. Before the wedding, before he changed his last name to Miya, he needed one more reassurance.

But his heart immediately felt at ease when he saw the back of his lover. Osamu hummed a song while cooking. Perhaps lunch — or breakfast for him — he flipped the pan effortlessly. And with just a sight of his old-time crush since high school, Rintarou was  _ blinded _ once again.

His mind was clouded with needs, with peace. This was what he always imagined, to see someone he adored so much cooking for him. The sight was worth thousands of dollars; with arms flexing, broad back moved around here and there, Rintarou took some steps closer to gather more warmth.

He slipped his arms around Osamu, eyes fluttering close as he was now recharging his mind and body. His fiancé just chuckled and turned off the stove, untangled himself before turning his body to face the sleepy man.

"Can't believe you really sleep for hours." Snickering, his hand carding the brown strands gently. "I cook some European cuisine today, do you want to eat—" But he stopped the second he saw the forlorn look inside the green orbs. And he understood the reason behind it.

Osamu couldn't believe himself this morning as he woke up and reached out his hand to the side. He interlaced his hand with the one person besides him. Instead of squeezing it, he pulled his hand so fast, as if the feelings were foreign. That was  _ not you _ , the size and the skin were different.

It was as if he came back to a year prior, where he wanted no one else but your presence. Maybe it was just alcohol that made him feel as if he never cheated on you as if he never had his tongue inside your brother's lips. You were haunting him, even though you said you let him go already, it still tasted so bitter every time he swallowed down his saliva.

"Maybe it will calm you down, maybe not. But (Y/n) called me this morning." Osamu spoke up, the information made the brunette's pupil dilated. "I missed it, and when I called she didn't answer. But she left me a message, she's fine, Rintarou." And right now, he didn't know anymore was he trying to comfort his fiancé, or himself.

"And the message…?" The middle blocker pulled himself away, a little bit fidgety under the gaze that he couldn't quite fathom. "She's going to our wedding tomorrow, right? Or what was it all about? Define 'fine', Samu. My sister's messages, how she typed her message? Is she really saying that she's okay?"

He was always like this when he became too agitated, or too nervous. Osamu patted his shoulder gently before cupping his cheek, wiping the tears that wanted to spill from the corner of his orbs. "I needed to see her, I had to see her, Samu. I—"

"She's away, Rin." But those words shut him up. "She said she's sorry that she couldn't attend the wedding tomorrow. Maybe she needed space, we have to respect her choice."

No, there was more to it. You were someone who always prioritizes others than yourself. It was just too drastic, to know that you suddenly told one of them that you were not going to be there. Something was off, Rintarou could feel it on every fibre inside his body.

"Hey, don't think too much about it." The long fingers that belonged to his lover, tilting his chin so his orbs met with the greyish one. "She's fine, Rin. She needed more time and started to prioritise herself, it's a good thing."

He really wanted to retort, to voice out the sickening feelings that were swirling inside his stomach right now. Yet the gaze that he received told him to just zip it in, that he just had to focus on each other as tomorrow maybe when they seal their love, you would come around and they would be at ease.

So Rintarou just kept his mouth shut, believing the words that rolled down from his lover's tongue. His eyes fluttering close before once again capturing the lips that  _ now _ belonged to him. 

Miya Osamu was all his, Miya Osamu wasn't yours anymore — and he needed to get lost one more time, feeling the heat that he finally tasted after ten years just pining and grumbling. He wanted to be selfish, forgetting the breakfast that his fiancé prepared before.

He had to feel some kind of distraction, one thing to focus on until tomorrow at the time their future would be secured by the vow.

Because he needed to shake his own mind which forced him to keep coming back to you.


	3. Not Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not everyone was given the chance to have someone that they loved. And sometimes, we could only think about what could have been.

“All your services are  _ brutal _ today, Atsumu.”

The setter's grip on his water bottle tightened when his upperclassmen — now fellow teammates on Japan National Team — stated his well being all over again. He didn't answer, nor was he willing to explain why he looked like he was ready to kill anyone on sight.

Though, the wing spiker knew. Ojiro didn't have to hear anything from the blonde setter. The news about the Onigiri Miya scandal was all over the nation after all. The drama that no one ever thought would occur, knowing how much the owner and the woman behind the company loved each other.

But sometimes, this life was not all about fairy tales and happy endings. Not everyone had the privilege to have the love that they wanted. Not everyone could have someone they love to be their lifetime partner. And Atsumu, he knew that fact for a long time, ever since the first moment he laid his eyes on you.

_ “My sister will join us at today's practice.” The middle blocker said after munching on his lunch. "Hope you guys would be okay with that." _

_ Atsumu groaned, hating the fact that there would be some kind of distraction. He didn’t care less though, knowing he would not even spare a glance. But a new face at practice only meant that everyone would swarm them, like a toy that everyone wanted to have. Especially since they were related to the members of the club, that made everything worse. _

_ “Does she really have to?” Rintarou rolled his eyes a little when the setter parted his lips. Not because of the question, but more like how the question was being thrown. _

_ “My parents are going to be home late. They will kill me if she’s all alone in the house.” Though the brunette just answered a matter of factly, knowing for certain if he answered with the same tone, all hell broke loose. _

_ “Tch. Is she just like another squealing pig or something? Can’t she take care of herself?” _

_ “Sumu,” _

_ “No, Samu. For real, do all girls really can’t defend themselves? Why is she being treated so highly you can’t make her stay at home all alone?” The commotion was not necessary, but he just couldn’t help it when someone had the potential to wreck the practice. _

_ “It’s all about being a great sibling, Sumu.” The opposite wing spiker answered with his usual flat intonation. “Something that you really lacked off, ya know?” _

_ “Hah?! What does that mean?!” Atsumu really wanted to throw some pickles at his twin. But somehow he could imagine the silver-haired man opening up his mouth to catch the food instead, so he chose to stay silent and grumbled under his breath. _

_ He played with his food, poking the vegetables as he had a big pout plastered on his face. “What is she anyway? A princess or something?” _

_ But by God, you were more than just a princess. _

_ The second you walked inside the gymnasium beside your brother, his jaw dropped as he felt like he was blessed by the deity. You were not like any other girls that were usually so timid and acting all shy — no, not like that.  _

_ You had your chin up, throwing your soft smile to anyone that met your gaze. So confident, as if it was the thousand times you were already meeting the whole team. Rintarou didn’t even need to introduce you, you already talked to everyone like an old friend. _

_ Something about you just made him feel warm. Atsumu didn’t know you, he didn’t even bother to ask the brunette middle blocker for your name. But he swore even though you were just standing there, eyes still focused on anyone else, he could feel his heart singing. _

_ A genuine smile emerged on his face, the smile that only appeared when he looked at some cool volleyball technique or a row of fatty tuna at the convenience store. _

_ “Hey, Samu.” He called out to his twin brother as his brown orbs still planted on your figure. “At this moment, I claim Sunarin’s sister as mine!” He expected to hear any remark, or maybe a volleyball being thrown towards his face. _

_ But there was only silence. The setter was sure that his twin was standing right beside him, so why didn’t he get any answer — oh. Oh, that’s why. When he turned his face to look at the silver-haired man, he really wished he didn’t. _

_ The grey orbs that usually so dimmed, that didn’t even spark that much when they were on the court, were now shone so bright with adoration and amazement. Atsumu followed where the gaze fell, what could possibly have made his twin brother have such intense expressions. _

_ And he could feel his shoulder slumped when he realised that his twin was looking at the same person that he saw before. Why of all things in this world, they just had to have the exact interest towards one person. Not fair, he wanted to say that he was the one who looked at you first, he wanted to punch his brother’s arms and told him that you would be his. _

_ “Didja say something, Sumu?” _

_ But right now as his twin brother finally composed himself and turned around to face him, Atsumu just realised how the love that he had for his twin brother was a little bit too much for his own good. _

_ “Nah. Just some dumb things.” _

_ Guess happily ever after really existed only in the children’s books. _

“You have been scrolling through your phone for the last couple of minutes.” The blonde setter didn't give any kind of response as he just drilled his eyes to the small screen. Knowing that he wouldn't receive anything, the stoic ex-captain of Inarizaki VBC decided to just sit beside the melancholic male, taking the empty stool.

It was not really like Atsumu at all, to seclude himself while everyone was either on the dance floor or bantering together — since it had been so long for the rest of the team to be in the same place. Though, Kita couldn't blame him from wanting to get away from here.

“You do understand that one day you have to make peace with Osamu, right?” 

Just the mention of his twin was enough to make his blood boil. He gritted his teeth, scoffing at the idea of him to be on the same page with the businessman like before. As if he could see his twin brother without disgust, as if he could see his twin brother with the same fondness.

No, Miya Osamu didn't have the liberty to be considered as his brother the second he decided to cheat on you.

From the very first moment he saw you, Atsumu never thought that he wanted to have someone in his life as much as when he met you. Your sweet smile, supportive nature, so good and just felt so right even as time went by.

Though he never dared to say anything, not because he was a coward and afraid of rejection, it was not that. But because he knew too well that his twin brother  _ used to _ look at you the same way he commits. What sickening was when he realised he still gazed at you like a fool in love while the younger twin didn't anymore.

And he wished, he  _ really _ wished that he never let Osamu have a taste of your love since the beginning.

“Tch. Like hell I am willing to do that.” Atsumu locked his phone and threw it mindlessly to the bar. “I am sorry, Kita-san. But you of all people should have known why I act like this.” He clenched and unclenched his fist to calm himself down, to erase the little tremor that he felt.

The brown orbs that belonged to the setter now sent a dagger to the laughing man that was swarmed by a lot of people. How could his twin have such a joyous smile on his face after everything that he had done? How could someone act so free as if he didn’t just tear someone else’s life?

Osamu was blessed to have such a wonderful woman that never turned her back on him. When his twin called him that one particular day, saying that you said yes to his wedding proposal — Atsumu realised that he had lost the promise that he made at one of their fights.

_ “When we are in our deathbeds, I am gonna turn and look you right in your face! And say I had a happier life!” _

He scoffed the second he hung up the call. His twin had won, there was nothing that could make him happier than to have you in his life, cheering at him on every match that he had. You were there though, on most of the tournaments that were held, being such a supportive  _ sister-in-law _ .

You always sat on the VIP bleachers, the one that was located at the side of the court. When you were there to support him, you went all out, wearing his volleyball club’s merchandise as if you were paid with how you looked like you were drowned by all of those items. And by all means, he wanted to run up to you after a service ace, he wanted to cup your cheek and smash his lips to yours.

Yet he knew that it was just a mindless dream. For years he buried his feelings that never wanted to leave. He was there to be the best wingman that he could ever be for his twin brother, he made sure that no one captured your heart except for Osamu — and of course himself.

Yet right now as he looked at how Osamu had his arms wrapped around Rintarou instead of you, he wished he never helped his brother to get your heart in the first place.

He couldn’t, he couldn’t do this anymore.

Atsumu grabbed his jacket and car keys, rushing out from the club that smelled nothing but sweat and alcohol. He used to enjoy it, to have fun and get wasted with his brother. But now a glimpse of the twin and he wanted to spit on his face.

His upperclassmen didn’t even bother to stop him, knowing that if he tried to make him stay, it would only result in a fight. The setter didn’t care how his brother called out to him, he didn’t even turn his head as he walked through all the strangers that were invited here.

“Sumu!”

He sped up his pace, slipping through the swarm of people as he didn’t want his twin brother to catch up on him. “Hoi, Sumu!”

Atsumu could finally feel the fresh air when he barged through the door. The night air was cold, but it was a lot more refreshing than the packed space inside. He stopped for a second, to gather his breath before continuing his pace to the car.

But then he tensed up when he heard someone else walking outside, following him. Something about a bond between a twin brother, was how they could feel each other’s presence within some range. A scowl immediately appeared on his face as he could hear his twin panted behind him.

“Why the fuck you followed me?” His voice was flat, but from how he chose the words was enough to make Osamu know how much his older brother despised him. “I don’t want to see you, go back to your — fuck, to that  _ whore _ !”

Osamu snapped when the blonde setter insulted his fianc é. He couldn’t control it as his body moved on its own, fist making contact to the back of his brother’s head. It was as if there was a fire blinding him, what fire? He didn’t even know as he continued to plant his fist to his doppelganger.

“Take that back, Sumu!” He was so enraged as he forcefully turned his brother’s head to face him, hand gripping on the collar. “Don’t you bring my fiancé’s name like that! Rintarou didn’t have any fault —”

“Didn’t have any fault?!” Atsumu spit on his twin brother’s face, making the black-haired man drop him to the ground. “You fucking cheat on (Y/n), and he agreed! The two of you fuck around on the goddamn house that you shared with her! He did it willingly, Samu!” 

The parking lot was quiet, as everyone was currently inside and enjoying their night. Oblivious of what happened just outside the club. The setter dusted his clothes, gritting his teeth as he looked at his twin brother that he always boasted around here and there. But now, now the brown orbs looked at his carbon copy with disappointment. “And I still can't believe  _ you  _ did that too.”

The two of them just stared at each other’s eyes, five feet apart since they were sure another fight would ensue if there was no gap in between them.

Atsumu letting out a sigh, chuckling bitterly as he could feel tears pricked at the corner of his eyes. His twin brother could do nothing but to face the ground, funny how they were so close, yet felt so far as if there was no bond that connected them since birth.

The younger twin didn’t dare to face his brother as he let every word that was just being thrown towards him sunk inside his mind. He knew that the setter now wanted nothing to do with him, he knew that perhaps for the next few years, Atsumu would do anything to avoid him.

Ever since everyone knew what he did with the professional middle blocker, he could feel how the string that linked them together — started to get loose. The two of them promised inside their own mind, that they would never leave each other behind. So he had to cling on that hope.

“Hey, Samu.” The younger twins looked up, only to see the broad back of his brother. He didn’t know what was inside the setter’s head, he couldn’t see his expression to predict the words that might come out. But somehow, he could feel his heart clenched as if it would be the last time he saw him.

“ _ I wish I never had you as my brother. _ ”

And right at this moment, he just realised that he had lost not just one — but two people at the same time.

He had lost you, the only woman that would do anything for him in a blink of an eye, you that interlaced your hand with him as you walked right by his side from the beginning. You, you, and  _ you _ . His first love, his first kiss, his first everything.

And he, too, lost Miya Atsumu, his very own twin brother that was there to accompany him when he breathed the first air in this world. Now his greyish orbs could only stare at the car that passed him, a sign that showed him from now on — he was on his own.

_ Osamu buried his face on the white sheet of his bed, covering his whole head with a pillow. This had been going on for the last minutes, and the setter started to get tired of hearing his usual quiet twin, acting like he just dropped some food down the floor, whining and grunting. _

_ “Can ya shut yer trap?” Atsumu was not angry or something, he was just curious about what could cause his twin to be like this. “You are awfully annoying right now, ya know?” _

_ He expected to hear some reaction, another insult just like how it used to. But surprisingly, he was only greeted by silence. The blonde that was playing the console before now paused his game, walking towards the bed and poke his head at the upper level. He nudged his twin brother on the waist, making the opposite wing spiker to jolt and yelped. _

_ “What do ya want?!” Osamu grumbled and sat up straight on his bed, glaring at his twin. “I am busy thinking, what is it?” _

_ “You are making disturbing noises as if you are going to die!” The blonde retorted, folding his arms in front of his chest. “What is it? Don’t tell me you failed another exam.” _

_ “No, no.” Letting out a sigh, the foodies leaned his head on the wall. “It’s not that, it’s something silly actually.” _

_ Atsumu raised one of his eyebrows, now really worried when he saw his twin brother looked so gloomy. He didn’t want to show it, yet if someone saw him now, it was really visible through his brown orbs how much he cared for his younger brother. _

_ “Yeah? How silly?” _

_ “I like Sunarin’s sister.” _

_ He parted his lips, wanting to say something, maybe a joke or some playful response. But it was as if there was a huge lump on his throat, making his voice to be stuck there when the information finally seeped on his mind. _

_ He should have known this fact by now, everyone that had eyes could see how clumsy Osamu would be when you were around, how by just having you watching the practice made his performance on the court even better. Yet when he finally heard it right from the younger twin, he knew that there was no chance for him to make a move on you. _

_ Ha, as if he had a chance from the start anyway. _

_ “You are not really subtle, Samu.” Atsumu snickered, trying to coat his own pain that was now bubbling inside his heart with some laughter. “Why did you look so scared? You have this handsome face, it would be easy to catch her heart.” He playfully pointed at his own face, after all the two of them were twins anyway. _

_ “Jerkhead.” _

_ “Hey!” _

_ The silver-haired man rolled his eyes, now snickering when the setter had a big pout on his face. Atsumu felt relieved inside his heart, that at least now his twin brother could laugh and came back to his usual self. He may not look like it, but he would do anything to make sure that his twin lives the best life. _

_ “For real, though, Samu.” He cleared his throat, a smug look was now written all over his face. “I will be the best wingman ever, and you will get that pretty lady to be your lover ten days from now!” _

_ If that meant he had to sacrifice his own feelings, then so be it. Miya Atsumu loved his brother, maybe more than anything in this world, more than the woman that could make his heart skip a beat in a matter of seconds by just glancing at her. _

_ And when he saw the grey orbs covered with hope, he knew that he had chosen the right thing to do. _

Right now though, Atsumu really wanted to turn back time when he was still in high school.

He wanted to go back, to when he first laid his eyes on you. If he was given the chance, he would snap his fingers in front of his twin. If he could be on that day once again, he would make sure that the once wing spiker could hear him loud and clear when he declared you would be his.

Atsumu chuckled bitterly at how everything turned out. His brown orbs stared into the ceiling, ignoring his phone that kept vibrating on the drawer. Every time he looked at the screen, it was always the same name. Miya Osamu, one of the most successful businessmen below thirty.

Today, he was supposed to be the best man for the business tycoon. He should have worn the black suit that had a golden accent on the collar and the wrist. But the exact same suit was now still packed under the plastic wrap, hanging inside his massive closet as if it was just another old clothes that he would never wear.

When he got that suit all those months ago, he was appointed to be the best man at Miya Osamu and Suna (F/n) wedding, that was the deal. He already prepared the speech, as he wanted to be as perfect as he could be in front of the two people that he loved the most. 

Even though he was jealous, even though sometimes he flipped his twin’s portrait so it was as if he was the one inside the picture with you, he still wanted the best for the black-haired man. Yet now, to know that he sacrificed his own happiness, to know that  _ you  _ devoted your whole life for his twin only to have your heart broken at the end of the day — Atsumu really couldn’t stop himself from thinking about what could have been.

He groaned when his phone vibrated once again, and he was ready to just throw it out the window or turned it off. But he was anticipating someone else, he was afraid that you would call him. He wanted to make sure that he was just one call away, that he was easy to reach.

And well, it was all paid off when your name was now all over his screen.

Atsumu immediately sat straight, bouncing like a child as a smile adorned his lips. He didn’t know why he felt so nervous, it was just you after all. Ye,s you, the one woman that he had been pining from for the last ten years he lived in this world.

“The superior twin is here!” He declared with so much confidence in his voice, and he was so giddy when he could hear you snicker from the other line. “I am serious though, I am older, therefore I am superior.”

“ **I don’t know where you got that way of thinking, but I will let it slide for you.** ” You answered, though his forehead scrunched up a bit when he caught how different you sounded like just now. But he shook it off, he would keep talking and become your company, that was his goal from the start.

Something that he noticed was how clear your voice was just now. Usually, it would crack here and there, the results of you crying for hours. But you were so much calmer, yet you still sounded so tired, as if you had been working nonstop.

“Ah, miss (Y/n), always so humble.” But he wouldn’t ask anything if you were not the one who opened up to him. “Say, what have I done to get such privilege hearing your voice?” Because for him, to be at least the one who you were comfortable talking to, was enough.

“ **I just need company, Atsumu.** ” You breathed out softly, and he could hear a gentle splash of water from your side. “ **Are you busy helping around the wedding?** ”

“No, I am not busy. Not at all.” He wanted to confess that he was not even at the venue, but somehow he could hear you scolding him for not being a good brother for his twin. So he decided to keep his mouth shut, focusing himself solely on you. “I am here, (Y/n). I am always here if you need me.”

“ **Yeah?** ” Your voice was strained a little. “ **Then, would you tell me a story? Anything? I just want to listen to your voice.** ”

His heart skipped a beat faster from your statement. Your words made him feel something that he had lost, the thing that he buried since he saw how his twin’s eyes sparkled when he saw you.  _ Hope _ . He cleared his throat, chuckling a little as he tried not to show how nervous he was right now.

“Since you asked so nicely.”

Atsumu was a great storyteller, that was what you could conclude by hearing his tone went up and down so easily as word after word rolled down from his tongue. It was refreshing, to hear him talking non stop like this.

Something about his voice just made you feel at peace. As if you were back to your high school days where everything was all good. He always came up at you, usually talking nonsense and whined about his twin brother. It had been so long since you had a decent conversation, all because the work schedule and adulthood being harsh.

So to hear the same voice that used to accompany your teenage life, to hear the same cheeky remarks here and there that just screamed freedom — you knew that it was the right thing to call him.

“ **Hey, Atsumu.** ”

“Hm?”

“ **Thank you.** ”

The blonde setter was taken aback by the sudden gratitude that you gave. He never asked to be acknowledged by you, he never expected himself that one day you would see him without any lingers that reminded you of your ex-fianc é. 

Then again maybe, maybe this was a good start, and he really couldn’t wait to see you back in line, became the princess  — without prince — that kept thriving to reach the ultimate ending.

“Really, it’s nothing.” He chuckled softly, carding his fingers to the strands of his blonde hair. “I just tried to be the best…  _ friend _ that I could ever be.”

_ One step at a time, Miya Atsumu. _ He reminded himself.  _ Maybe one day you would find your happily ever after, but you needed to be patient. _

“ **Hehe, you are the best.** ” Your voice sounded more distance by now. “ **Now I wonder what would happen if only I am being honest at that time.** ” As if you dropped your phone somewhere, and you were too tired to pick it up.

“Honest?” But he didn’t pay too much attention to it as he was more curious by your words. “(Y/n), what do you mean? That time when?”

There was only silence, and right now his mind was creating a lot of scenarios. He bit his lips, wanting to know what was the meaning of your words. “(Y/n)? Please, what do you mean by being ho—”

“ **I used to like you, you know?** ”

And time seemed to stop, as the confession rolled down from your lips so easily. He wanted to say something, he wanted to ask you to define your words.  _ Like _ was such an ambiguous word. It could be interpreted as how you like his personality, or you liking the fact you were friends with him, “ **I used to** **_love_ ** **you, at one time.** ”

“W-What?” But this  _ one _ word slipped from your lips, answered his questions from before. “Don’t joke around like that. You always loved Samu, everyone knew that.” Yet he didn’t want to believe it. “You kissed him on your first date! Not any girl would kiss—”

“ **Because you were there, right?** ” He stopped talking, bringing himself back to that particular day. “ **You always tried so hard to make sure I fell in love with Osamu, I am not that dumb. So I just want to** **_make you happy_ ** **by opening up my heart for him.** ” The same day where he tucked his feelings away. “ **You are one wonderful man, you know that, Atsumu?** ”

The day he let you go for his twin, was the same day you let your feelings go to love another man that was not him.

“(Y/n), I—”

“ **So even though now I wonder about** **_what could have been_ ** **,** ” He just felt hope a moment before. “ **I am glad.** ” So why now suddenly it felt like someone just burned the bridge that would lead him to his happy ending? “ **I am glad that you were the last person that I spent my time talking to.** ”

“Wait, what do you mean?” He wailed, waiting to hear for your response. “(Y/n), fuck! What did you mean by the last person?!” He screamed to his phone, begging for any kind of sign that you were there. But there was nothing, once again he was greeted by nothing but silence.

Atsumu felt like he couldn’t breathe. He needed to see you, he needed to make sure that you were alright. Maybe you were just falling asleep, maybe just like what Akagi had wished, you could finally sleep after days being in such a rollercoaster of emotions.

Ten minutes. He could be there in ten minutes by foot, a lot faster compared to how he needed to prepare his car and opened up the garage. The setter didn’t think twice as he wore his shoes and ran to your house. He didn’t bother to lock his front door as he dashed himself to see you, mind too predominated by lots of dark scenarios. 

You used to love him. He tried to hold on your words. If at one time you fell for him, then perhaps one day you could love him once again. He wanted to believe in that as he ran even faster, thanking himself for choosing to be a professional athlete that could make him have a lot of stamina.

His mind kept replaying the fact that was being poured on top of him like a bucket of ice water. Ever since he knew you, he was too busy coating his own feelings. Telling lies to himself, belittled his own mind because he didn't want to have any regret when he helped his twin to be close with you.

If only he knew, if only he looked closer to your eyes and not just focused on his twin — maybe, he would have his very own fairy tale that he always yearned to have.

He knocked haphazardly on your front door, his heart still felt so heavy as he waited for the latch to be unlocked. But even after seconds went by, even after he kept screaming out your name without a care that people would call the police, you didn’t even show yourself.

“Fuck it.”

When he didn't hear anything from the other side of the door, he immediately spun his brain, searching around the terrace since he knew you had a habit to save a duplicate key somewhere — a habit that your ex-fiancé once told him.

Atsumu let out a smile of relief when he saw the silver key tugged on one of the potted plants. And without wasting another time, he immediately turned the key, eyes scanning the whole ground floor in case you were there, maybe falling asleep somewhere.

But there was no sign of you, not even in the bedroom of yours. Your room was clean, nothing but a bed, some books, and photographs. It was as if you never lived here with how the room looked like what people could find in a design magazine. 

Everything was too neat like you have been gone for a long time. And he was ultimately afraid that you were not here to begin with.

Then his mind replayed the phone call from before; every sound that you made, the calm voice of yours, each of the syllables that came out from your lips, he tried to remember all of that.  _ Splash of water. _ He heard it in the first minutes, and it was enough for him to take another step in this mission to find you.

He braced himself as he walked closer to the master bathroom that was connected without any door. Atsumu was ready to hear you scream, maybe throwing some of the shampoo bottles in his direction — he was okay with that, because at least, at least you were fine.

The bathroom was the same, so clean that no one could find any unusual things. Though his eyes were sharp enough to see the two bottles of sleeping pills on the sink. He took it to his hand, and he swallowed a huge lump when he saw the condition. All were opened, all were emptied.

He immediately jerked his head to the bathtub that was filled to the brim. The colour was milky white, and the surface was scarily stagnant.  _ No. It can't be. _ He was scared to take another step forward.  _ No, no, no.  _ Because now as he was standing right beside the tub,

His orbs could catch the silhouette of a human body, one that was perfectly — still.

“No,” He hiccuped as he could only feel dread. In a swift moment, he jumped himself to the enormous tub, trying to find where your head positioned with how blurred the water was. “Please, please.” And he gasped when he could finally see your face.

You looked so glorious, that if you were a heroine in some kind of fantasy book, he was sure that you would become more than just a princess. Even with your hair sticking all over your face, even with how your lips slowly turned to blue, you still looked the same through his eyes.

Perfection, the only person that could make his life complete.

Atsumu cradled you, pulling your now cold body on his embrace in case he could hear your heart beats. But there was nothing. In this space he was in, the only thing that could be heard was the prickling waters and his own misery.

When he imagined himself to have you in his arms, this was not the scenario that he ever had in mind. He wanted to hold you close for a thousand times, he wanted to be the one that could make you feel better when you were feeling down. Maybe he was already like that, but it was not enough. 

With trembling hands, his finger swept your hair gently, tucking the strand of it at the back of your ear. He eyed your expression as you fell asleep, and he couldn't help but let out a small chuckle that filled with bitterness and anguish.

“Can you hear me? Hey, (Y/n)?” His voice cracked, vision blurred with his own tears as he shook your body. “(Y/n), please, y-you haven't heard it, please.” He swallowed a huge lump, biting his own lips as he was still clinging to some miracle that could happen.

“I love you.”  _ So fucking much.  _ “Can't you hear me? I love you! I love you, (Y/n) why didn't you wait for me?!”

His finger pinched your cheek, it was the fastest way to wake you up when you fell asleep on their practice all those years ago. He needed to see your orbs, he needed to see how your lashes fluttered open the second he woke you up, just like usual. One more time, he needed to see it just one more time.

"Hey,  _ wake up _ . I promise I am not going to leave. I will always be here,  _ I'm always here _ ."

But your eyes still closed, and he shouldn't have expected a miracle when he knew there was not any.

"I am sorry.  _ I am sorry. _ "

And Miya Atsumu should have known better, that there was no such thing as happily ever after in this real world.


	4. Never Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You would never know what you had until you lose them. And once you lost them for good — you could never have them back.

You looked radiant, under the bright blue sky as the sun peeked in between the leaves. The smile that adorned your face was one that could make him feel so complete. As if by just having you smile at him, he knew he could take on everything that this world threw in his direction.

"Samu, why did you look so sad?" Your fingers grazed the back of his hand, so delicate. "Something bothering you, love?" Your sharp orbs eyed him with concern. And those looks always made him feel so vulnerable. 

It never changed — how your eyes glimmered every time it fell on his figure. The way those warm pupils fell on his face was nothing but warm. Even before he dared to ask you out, even before he slid an engagement ring on your finger, and even after he captured lips that belonged to someone else,

You always had the same loving, gentle gaze.

“It hurts.” He choked out, one hand gripping on the bouquet of your favourite flower. “To see you go, it hurts, (Y/n).” His eyes bore into yours, and the way you didn’t even look at him with rage like everyone else, was the thing that  _ finally  _ broke him into million little pieces.

“But, Samu.” You called out, pulling your hand away that was touching his skin before, making him feel the cold air of December since he left his gloves at home. Your eyes were still the same as it was before, but there was something else lingering there. “You hurt me  _ first _ .”

It was so unreal, to hear your voice whisper in his ear. You felt so close to him as the two of you met each other’s eyes. He could hear your words at the back of his mind, and he could feel your touch that always secured his for the last ten years of his life.

Your existence stayed in every fibre of his body, never once left even after he tried to leave you for good. And now, now when  _ you _ were the one who said the last goodbye — he really wished that he could see you for one last time.

Not just in the framed photograph that would be withered by time.

_ Crash! _

_ Everyone immediately turned their head in his direction as he dropped the glass of champagne to the ground. One second he was bantering with some old friends, spreading happiness as his lips curled into a smile — and the other second he felt like someone just knocked the air out of his lungs, making his grip on the glass become loose. _

_ The venue was so packed, and the way he could feel dozens of eyes staring at him made the suffocating feelings intensify. His pupils darted to the left and right as he needed to get away from there. He wanted to reach out for his twin brother, he needed the blonde to be there with him. _

_ But the palm that touched his back right now, was so unfamiliar. _

_ “What?!” He shouted and turned his head, meeting a pair of green orbs that had a glimpse of shock inside it. Osamu swallowed a huge lump when he realised he just raised his voice at someone that he was supposed to spend his life with. “S-Sorry, Rin.” _

_ The brunette let out a sigh, because he knew that his life thereafter would never be easy. The two of them knew anyway that no matter how much in love they were for each other, no matter how many years went by — the thought of you would always be there, haunting every step that they took. _

_ “If you need some space, the balcony near our parent's table is empty.”  _

_ His words were enough as Osamu immediately had his face facing the ground, ignoring all the questionable gazes that were being thrown towards him and strode towards the said place. _

_ Rintarou could see the stress inside the greyish orbs, the look that he always saw every now and then from the beginning of their relationship. It was always there every morning the black-haired man woke up next to him. The horror, the guilt, the disgust. It was mixed into one — the look that his fianc _ _ é _ _ wanted to set for oneself. _

_ As one of the grooms exited the room, he needed to be the one that made sure all the guests still enjoyed the rest of the night. He too, felt nausea for a second ago. But he shrugged it off as he wanted to be selfish for today. Just for today, he wanted to boast to himself that he would hold the name Miya as his last name. _

**_You stole it._ **

_ He put all of his own guilt that kept eating him alive as he greeted some of his friends at the back of his head. _

**_You stole him from me, Rinrin._ **

_ Grabbing a glass of champagne, he listened in to the conversation, focusing his mind to whatever unfolded in front of his eyes. _

**_How could you do that to me?_ **

_ But none of the words that slipped from the lips of his friends could penetrate his hearing. He closed his eyes, trying so hard not to let you dominate his mind. Though it was no use, he knew that it was no use. After all, every time he turned his head he could feel your stare at him, the illusion of you that his own mind created. _

_ You were his sister, the angel inside Suna’s household. Ever since he was still a little boy, it always felt like you were the older sibling instead of him. You always gave him more chuupet, always made sure that he finished all of his homework, always supporting and pulling his figure into your embrace when he looked tired. _

_ All your life, you gave everything to him. You never asked for anything as you just wanted to make sure that he got the best treatment and had the best life. Since forever, you never demanded anything from him or the world. Then you met the twins, that was the first time you ever asked for something.  _

_ “ _ **_I love him, Rin._ ** _ ” _

_ Miya Osamu was probably the only thing in this world that you ever wanted. _

_ “ _ **_Even more than myself._ ** _ ” _

_ Yet he was being greedy, and he took him from you without thinking twice once he had the chance. _

_ He was knocked back to reality when he heard someone screamed. The atmosphere was so serene before, but the music and everything stopped the second a familiar cry could be heard throughout the venue. His heart thumped so fast as he scanned the whole area. He knew who it was, he knew whose voice it belonged to. _

_ Rintarou ran towards his parent's table, and everyone immediately parted so he could be there faster. When his feet finally brought him in front of his mother — the one who just let out a scream of agony — he tried to understand what was happening in front of him. _

_ His father cradled the weeping woman, her hand that adorned with some fine lines was now gripping tight on the suit that her husband wore. He wanted to ask what happened, why his mother that almost never showed any pain was now wailing like she just lost someone important. He wanted to know why Osamu’s parents averted his gaze, he wanted to— _

_ A vibrate from his pocket halted his thought. He was sure he kept his phone on silent mode today, except for some friends of his. And he knew too well who was on the list; Osamu, Kita, Komori, his parents, and Atsumu. _

_ Atsumu. The name kept flickered on the screen, and he was hesitant to pick up the call. He was afraid, afraid because he knew how much the blonde setter despised his existence. He could see how his brother-in-law wanted nothing to do with him, so he wondered why would he ruin his day even more by answering it? _

_ But he couldn’t stop himself from sliding his finger on the screen and placed the phone next to his ear.  _

_ “ _ **_I hope you and that disgusting scrub burn in hell._ ** _ ” _

Cheating is a taboo relationship that was made by two people who agreed to get into it, and Osamu understood that what he had with the professional volleyball player could never end up well. Yet he did it anyway, for six months  _ behind  _ your back, and  _ continued  _ the relationship even when he knew that it needed to be stopped.

He did all of that, with another person that he knew was important in your life. Your very own brother — Suna Rintarou.

That time when his twin left him a message in the middle of the wedding, he was so ecstatic. Osamu didn’t need his brother to always be there, he was okay in case that the setter missed his wedding. After all, Atsumu valued the friendship that he had with you. So he knew not to expect too much.

But he could still feel the pain that rushed through his blood the second he opened up his phone. He could feel his heart stopped beating for a second there when he read the same text on and on as he wanted to believe that it was just a harmless prank. Though he knew he was just trying to comfort himself.

Last year, in the middle of December, he remembered how you dragged him out to buy some ingredients for Christmas eve. You were in a rush because you said that there was a big sale going on for the fresh ingredients on the market.

He knew all the details, which every second unfolded as you pulled his hand after he was done wearing his coat. You keep rambling, about how many people that the two of you should invite, about from which continent the food that should be made. Every syllable, every line of your face, he replayed everything inside his mind like a broken record.

_ “Baby!” You screamed out in shock when your eyes darted to his naked hand. “It’s winter, why didn't you wear your gloves?!” Your hand immediately engulfed his, lifting it up and letting his palm touch your cheek. “Goodness, Samu. You are freezing.” _

_ He couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle from how adorable you looked as your face moulded to worry. And right now, he really wondered if you knew what you did to his heart for being such a caring lover since high school — and never once changed. _

_ “I am fine, I am fine.” He tried to reassure you by pinching both of your cheeks, making you yelp before a pout appeared on the next second. “I have you, (Y/n).” His voice was low, but loud enough for you to catch it. “And having you was enough, because it already made me feel warm in my heart and soul.” _

_ The sentence may have sounded cheeky, like a blatant lie. But at that moment, when the two of you gazed into each other’s eyes, everything that was being said was filled with honesty. Your eyes softened, and the way you leaned your face into his palm, made him forget about the coldness that started to numb his fingertips.  _

_ “You are stuck with me, you know that, love?” You whispered, kissing each digit as if you tried to transfer the warmth that you had to him. “Every winter, autumn, summer, and fall. Right now and another year to come, I will always be there to accompany you, Samu.” _

_ The two of you were trapped in your own world, forgetting the fact that you and him were out in the street with an extreme temperature. You were starstruck — he was too. And there was nothing else that both of you needed, except each other. _

_ “And I can’t be more happy to be stuck with someone.” _

Osamu lost the warmth that had been following him for the past ten years of his life. The second he walked to your brother’s apartment and captured that lip, those first few moments started the countdown of the lovely relationship that he shared with you.

He didn’t know why he decided that it was  _ alright _ to cheat on you. You have been nothing but good, nothing but an understanding partner in life. When he told you that it would be hard to live with him as he wanted to start up a business, he thought that maybe you would leave.

But instead of turning your back to him, you engulfed his hand, grazing your lips to his cheek as you whispered all the sweet truths and reassurances. You were not going anywhere. You would be there right beside him, through every failure and hardship.

“ _Because with you I feel complete._ ” And you proved that to him. “ _Since_ _I can’t imagine myself breathing in this world without you._ ” Yet he was the one — who took that air away from you.

His grey orbs fell on the fresh tombstone that was now covered in snow. Gently, he took some steps forward and knelt in front of it. Setting the flower bouquet down as his hand swept the memorial to read what was written underneath the white blanket.

He didn’t have the courage to be here before, to stand here with all of the people that loved and adored you. There were lots of people, all wearing black as hot tears cascaded down their cheeks. Your parents lost a big chunk of their hearts, your coworkers and best friends lost their shoulder to lean on.

And him? He didn’t deserve to feel anything since he was the reason you were now lying six feet under.

His breath hitched, hands gripping tight on the tombstone that marked the spot of your final resting place. The emptiness inside his heart, the numbness pounding his brain, the salty tears that flowed from his eyes, the sheer nothingness that now took hold of his soul — threatened to engulf him entirely as he read every word that was carved on the hard surface.

“ _ I will sleep in peace, until you come and wake me up. _ ”

It was as if he could hear you whisper in between the cold wind, as if you were there with him.

_ “Since I shall but love you better, even after death do us part. _ ”

With both of your arms wrapped around his torso, to make sure that he would never feel the cold.

He never got to tell you that he loved you one last time. He didn’t get to hold you close before you slipped away forever. He never even got to look into your loving, beautiful face which always brought him so much happiness, before you slept for all eternity.

He hadn’t been given a chance to tell you —

"It was all a mistake." He whispered, wishing that you heard him. "I love you." Wishing that you could hear the sincerity in his voice right now. "I am sorry.  _ Dear God _ , I am sorry."

But you were gone, and there was nothing left of you except the framed photograph, staring back into his soul. "For I haven't been the man I promised to be."

You had been his anchor when he started to drift away from his path. You had been there for him through everything, you were always there to make sure that everything went as it was planned. And you were there as his safe haven, the place he would come back to when he sought for love and comfort.

He reminisced the brightness and gentle look of your orbs; the details of your face, he wanted to make sure it would never be gone, like you. And in all of his despair, he pressed his forehead against the cold stone, as close as he could get to you.

“Why are you here?”

Osamu clenched his hand even tighter since he could recognize the voice anywhere. He had lived with the same voice all of his life, one that no matter how many weeks or months didn’t see each other, he would always know whose voice it belonged to. “Hey, scrub. I am asking you. Are you deaf or something?”

He took a deep breath, trying so hard not to turn his emotion into rage.  _ You _ were here, and he didn’t want to lose control in front of you.

“I am here to pay a visit.” He answered clear and short, standing up and dusting the snow off from his clothes before facing his new company. “I can leave if you want to, Atsumu."

“Oh, so considerate." There was a mocking tone lingering in his voice, yet he shook it off. "Then go away, shoo." The blonde setter ushered him away, with the same rage and disgust visible inside the brown orbs. "A killer isn't supposed to care for their victim."

Osamu had just walked past his twin when the last sentence was thrown, making him halt as he felt wrath bubbling inside his heart. He wanted to scream at the setter, tackle him to the snowy ground as he yelled out that he didn't mean to, that he regretted everything that he had done.

But as he thought of it, that was him right now wasn't he?  _ A killer _ .

He didn't know why he stayed there, as if he needed to feel the closeness with two important people in his life. Even though it was just physical, he needed it, because God knows when he could bathe himself with both presence — even though one of them was not really here.

"Heard you broke everything off with Sunarin. Guess you could never face their parents, huh?" He was wrecked, torn apart by each word that was being said. "How does it feel, hm? To be the main reason behind someone's death? Thrilling?" Yet he listened to it all, didn't even move an inch from his place.

"I am sorry." He let the words slip. Words he failed to say to you. "I have learned my lesson." So desperate that his voice cracked. "Can I — make it up to you…?"

The low chuckle was enough to be considered as an answer to his question. And with that, he knew that there was no use. That no matter what, he was all alone now. Without a loyal lover to turn to, without a brother to lean on.

"Bring her back to life."

"What?"

"I said it loud and clear." They both turn to each other, meeting the gaze that is filled with one emotion. " _ Bring. Her. Back. To. Life. _ " Anguish, nothing more than just bitterness and desperation of your existence.

He wanted that too, to hear your voice once again. He wouldn't mind if you pushed him away, he wouldn't mind hearing you curse at him and throw insults at him — he was okay with that, as long as you breathe air and live on.

"Can't do that, right?" The blonde setter chuckled bitterly, shaking his head as if he knew he shouldn't have hope anymore. "Though, I know something that I wanted you to do. This one, I think you can do this."

"What is it?"

"Stop coming to my games."  _ Of course, that was what he wanted _ . "Want ya to pull off Onigiri Miya from any of the matches that I play."  _ He should have been prepared for such requests.  _ "Cause I want  _ nothing _ to do with you."

The rage that dripped on every word before, was now replaced with a solemn intonation. Miya Atsumu was tired, tired and stressed because he knew he could never have a relationship with his twin like how everything used to be. "You can do that, right?"

Silence.

"Of course."

There was nothing else that needed to be said, and the two of them understood that well.

Osamu stared at his twin brother as memories replayed at the back of his mind. He brought this upon himself when he decided to betray you, he brought this upon himself when he decided to be a cheater and leave you in the dust without no one else to turn to.

His grey orbs eyed his twin brother who was now kneeling in front of you. The blonde setter dropped a bouquet of baby's breath flowers, kissing the tombstone as he whispered some words under his breath. And because it was so quiet, he could hear every single word that was being said.

" _ I will always be here, (Y/n). _ " The voice he used was so soft. " _ Wait for me, okay? _ " The voice that he never once used with anyone else. " _ I love you. _ "

Why?

Why didn’t he realise this before?

Why did he never realise that his twin brother loves you the same way as he does?

His mind couldn't function anymore as his pupils widened at the fact. His body was still as if he were bewitched to be rooted at the spot. Even as Atsumu walked past him and ready to leave, he was still there. Too shocked to even register the newly found information into his head.

Now he knew the reason why the blonde setter never wanted to settle down. Now he knew why his twin brother always avoided the topic of love. Now he knew why every time they talked about you, there was always this mysterious look inside those brown eyes that he could not fathom.

And now he knew why Miya Atsumu, the other half of his soul, wanted nothing to do with him anymore.

Because he had taken away not just his own love, but also the love that the blonde setter was supposed to have.

“Hope you can survive the rest of your life,  _ Osamu _ .” The older twin brother turned his face to see the exact copy of him. Someone that he used to trust, someone that he used to love more than himself. “Knowing that you were the main reason  _ our  _ life went like this.”

It felt like there was something that clogged his throat at that exact moment. He wanted to call out his twin brother, he wanted to say that he was sorry, that he regretted everything he had done for the last few months.

He wanted to say that he was sorry, for taking away the love of  _ his _ life too.

Yet he kept his mouth shut as his eyes could only stare at the fleeting figure that started to get smaller, out of his reach. Osamu let the other half of his soul slip between his fingers, just like how he let half of his heart go.

And the two of them — would never come back to his life, no matter how much he wanted them to.


	5. Fine Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hey, Rinrin. Why would you do that to me after I gave you everything? Why did you still steal the only thing that I want in this life?"

“Rise and shine, Rinrin!”

He groaned and immediately buried his head under the pillow, trying to muffle your cheery voice as he was sure the sun was not even up yet. Your footsteps could be heard as they came to a stop right beside his bed. "Come on, Rin…"  _ Not again. _ "I prepared a gift for you under the fireplace!"

Christmas morning was always like this. Your strength somehow could wreck the lock of his door, thus becoming one of the reasons why he would never want to have any physical fights with you (not that you ever get angry at him anyway).

"What time is it?"

"Five o'clock."

You chuckled a little, knowing for certain how your brother despised mornings. He always slept late at night, usually playing video games with his online friends. Though you would make sure that he at least got enough sleep, especially when there was morning practice for his volleyball club.

"Ngh, why do you always wake me up at this hour every Christmas?" He groaned, voice a little bit muffled as he kept his face buried in the sheet. "I hate you sometimes."

_ No, I do not. _

"Can't you leave? I don't like how you barge in my room."

_ No, stay. I enjoy your presence so much. _

"Just go back to sleep."

_ No, no. Don't go back to sleep, stay. Wake me up like you always did. _

**_Beep! Beep! Beep!_ **

He groaned and immediately buried his head under the pillow, trying to muffle the sound of his  _ alarm clock _ . He hated it, how every morning only reminded him of the fact that you were not here anymore.

When the two of you still lived together, you would knock at his door every morning — gently because you knew how it could make him feel dizzy if he woke up startled. Though it was a different case every Christmas morning. Because when the hallowed day came, you wanted  nothin g more than to spend as much time as you could  with the whole family.

His hand mindlessly searched for the alarm clock. Clicking the button on top of it so the annoying sound would stop. And now it was silence, engulfing him as he was sleeping there all alone — still waiting for his phone to ring.

Ten seconds, thirty, sixty. It had been a minute and yet his phone screen didn't lit up, not even once for he was hoping that someone sent him a message. Not just some random person though, he was waiting for one particular name to pop out; yours.

Every morning since the two of you parted ways, you never forgot to call him, or if not — maybe leave a message. It was your routine, one of your habits as you just wanted to make sure he eats a proper meal, that he slept well and kept himself hydrated.

You never once skipped a day, not even when you were exhausted after working so hard to help your fiancé expand Onigiri Miya.

But there was no message or phone call from you, not anymore. And the first morning he woke up without any of your greetings around ten months ago, he knew that deep down — you found out what he had done.

He pulled his pillow off from his head, staring into the ceiling as he waited for the sun to peek behind the curtain. The temperature was freezing, and he wanted to just curl up in bed all day long, accompanied by the heater that was enough to help him cope with the brutal weather.

Nevertheless, it was not enough to melt the ice that had been built inside his heart.

No matter how much he wanted to stay at his apartment and never leave the bed, he already promised his parents to pay a visit today. He remembered how his father begged him to spend Christmas with them, telling him that he was still their son, no matter how much of a wrongdoer he had become.

No matter if it was because of him — the family would never be completed anymore.

_ "Open up!" You really couldn't contain the giddiness that was bubbling inside your heart as you handed the brunette a gift box. "Come on, Rinrin!" _

_ The two adults laughed at how joyous you always looked around your older sibling, a sharp contrast when it compared to him that still had sleepy eyes and yawning here and there. His fingers gently unwrapped the gift, so slow as he wanted to see how your face contorted in those moments. _

_ It was amusing, the way you bit your lip as both of your hands gripped on your pyjamas. Your eyes flickered back and forth between the box in his hand and his drowsy face since you needed to know if you got him the right present or not. _

_ And he loved it, to see your eyes sparkle with joy as he too, had the same sparks inside his green pupils since he couldn't believe what he saw. _

_ "Holy fuck—" _

_ "Language, Rintarou." _

_ "Sorry, mom." _

_ He was too shocked to say anything. You gave him things that he had wanted for a long time, one that he never thought a high school student like you could even afford. _

_ "You did not just buy me a console." A sentence finally escaped his lips. "(Y/n), you are crazy. You can use the money for yourself. Why did you waste it—" _

_ "Hey, it's not a waste!" You flicked his forehead, not too harsh yet enough for him to shut up. "Seeing you smile is a rare thing, you know that?" He raised one of his eyebrows, didn't understand the correlation between his sentence and your response. "And well, don't you realise something?" _

_ "Huh? What?" _

_ Shaking your head, your lips shaped into a pleasant smile as you still held his gaze. _

_ "You are smiling, Rinrin." You whispered softly, chuckling a little as he could only gape at you with a dumbfounded look on his face. "Even now as you stare at me with that dummy expression, you smile." _

_ Both of your parents really tried to hold down their squeal and tears. To see such a bond that connected you and your brother, a beautiful link of siblings. "And for you to smile, for you to be happy, is one of the things that I want to make sure you will always have." _

His grip on the steering wheel tightened, knuckles turned to white as he collected himself. Fifteen minutes had passed since he parked his car in front of his parent's house. The house where he grew up, his childhood house became home since both adults always welcomed their children with open arms.

Green orbs fell to the courtyard where you usually attacked him with a snowball. The twins used to follow through, shouting and declaring war to you and him. And the Suna residence — officially became the place where everyone spent Christmas together.

He didn't know what to expect if he knocked on that door. You were there last year, preparing the food and dragged him to taste all of the cuisines that you made. He would always say that it tasted good, perfect even, and each compliment was not a lie since you were indeed a blessing at the household.

Last year you gave him a new sports shoe, a pair that was not even out yet on the market. Though with how well connected you were as a businesswoman, it was an easy thing to get, and you love to do extra things for him without another thought.

Last year you opened up the door, wearing a comfortable sweatshirt that he knew it belonged to your fiancé. You didn't wait for another second to pass before engulfing him in a tight hug, whispering how much you missed his presence.

Last year you were laughing with him, joking around as the two of you circled the fireplace. You sat on Osamu's lap, listening intently to every word that he said, ignoring how handsy the black-haired man was as you focused yourself on him.

Last year you were there, gentle orbs gazing at him with fondness, breathing in air and so much  _ alive _ .

That was the difference, one huge aspect that deviated the last Christmas and the current.

Yet he was here once again, staring into the wooden surface of the front door. He lifted his hand, taking a deep breath before he curled his fingers before his knuckles made contact with the old wood. 

He caught a familiar voice shouting from inside the house. Always so loving, always so strong. And the second the door opened, he was greeted by another gaze that always made him feel so loved.

"Oh, dear, how long have you been outside?!"

His mother grabbed his wrist and pulled him inside, closing the door in an instance. He wasn't given a chance to say anything as her fingers gently dusted the snow that covered his coat. She muttered something under her breath, he didn't know what the words were, yet he was pretty sure it would be about how worried he made her feel right now.

"Mom, I am fine." He muttered softly, eyes watering as he couldn't believe that his mother still cared for him. The affection that he got was endless — either from you or from the whole family. And the way it was still the same as how it used to, he knew that deep down he did not deserve to feel such fondness. "Do you need help with anything?"

Her gentle touch helped him take his coat off, hanging it on the wall before facing him once again.

"Well, your father is in the kitchen. Maybe you can ask him instead while this old woman set up the fireplace and arrange the dining table."

"You're still not that good at cooking, mom?"

"Oh, shush now, you lanky beanpole!"

He chuckled a little as his mother held her chin up in dramatic annoyance and strode towards the living room with so much force, stomping the ground. As much as she tried to look like she was angry at him, he knew that she was not. And right now as he walked through the house, feeling so much love dancing in the air, he almost forgot about the things that he did.  _ Almost. _

"Hey, son." His father waved at him the second he popped inside the kitchen. "You were awfully late, did something halt you?" He didn't answer, still thinking about a proper answer and washed his hand first, knowing how strict the old man was when it came to hygiene.

"I fell asleep." It was a decent answer, at least one that was actually believable knowing how it was mundane to him. "And I forgot to set the alarm on my phone, sorry, dad." But he was  _ his son _ , the old man could know when the brunette was lying or not.

"Ah, that's fine." But he let it slide, knowing the reason was probably circling around you. "The food was all done, just help me put it on the bowl and plate, kid."

Rintarou nodded and grabbed the necessities from the cupboard, setting it down on the kitchen island to make it easier for his father to arrange the food. His green orbs eyed how effortlessly the older man moved to make sure everything organized neatly. 

It was always a mesmerising sight to see, felt the same for every year that went by. The room was so serene, as he could see you laugh around the kitchen, helping you and his father as your existence was enough to brighten the whole room that you walked into.

"Have you talked to your mother?"

"Yes, for a few seconds."

"I see."

Silence engulfed the room once again. And if it was not because of the classical music that played in the background, this house would be so quiet. "And did she talk about anything weird? Did she mention—"

"Why are you guys taking so long?" Both of the men jolted when the familiar voice boomed throughout the kitchen. "I already finished with the dining table, but it wouldn't be complete if you guys just hang around here, whispering to each other."

His mother folded both hands in front of her chest, the same orbs that very much similar to you pierced his soul. He gulped down, wanting to explain anything to make her calm down. But before he could part his lips, a sweet chuckle slipped from her lips. "Oh, my dear, I am just joking!"

Both men immediately let out a sigh, relieved that turned out she was just playing around with them. Rintarou and his father immediately brought out the food to the dining table, his mother followed behind.

"Oh, and Rintarou," The older woman called him out right after he was done setting the food down. "Can you call (Y/n) to come downstairs, dear?"

Both men looked at each other with worry when the words rolled down her tongue. Swallowing a huge lump, the older Suna had his hands on her arms, ups and down as he tried to calm her down. And Rintarou could do nothing but to watch his parents with confusion written on his face.

"Honey, my beautiful wife."

She turned her head to the side, raising one of her eyebrows when her husband looked at him with grief and distress.

"What? Why did you look at me like that?"

"(Y/n) is not with us anymore."

The room suddenly felt so cold, as if there was no heater there when the couple gazed at each other with a look that showed nothing but remorse.

"No, I saw her a few minutes ago. What do you mean? Did she leave?" Her fine line became more visible as she scrunched up her forehead. "How dare that little rascal leaves without telling me anything? Bet she's snogging somewhere with that  _ silver-haired _ young boy Osamu."

"Honey, please."

Rintarou could feel himself trembling as his eyes still locked to his parents. His father looked so calm, yet he knew that  _ something _ was torturing them. "Our little (Y/n) is not with us anymore, honey. We attended her funeral two weeks ago." Something that his father wanted to tell him before.

His mother parted her lips, wanting to deny the sentence. She tried to form any logic or reality that her mind could construct. Her orbs started to glimmer, but not with affection like how it used to. It coated with tears, little by little forming at the corner of her eyes.

"N-no, don't lie to me." She freed herself from her husband's embrace. "(Y/n) is just spending time with her boyfriend at the Miya residence. She will come back." Her legs brought her body in front of her son, smiling up to him with her usual genuine smile. "Right, Rintarou?"

He didn't know how to answer that. He didn't want to believe what was unfolding in front of him. She looked at him with pleading eyes, as if begging him to say yes, that you were safe and sound outside, perhaps in the arms of Miya Osamu.

But he couldn't lie, he couldn't lie anymore after doing that for months behind your back.

"No, mom." He muttered under his breath, voice wavered. "(Y/n), she, she died." And he could feel his heart broke all over again when his mother took a step backwards, away from him. "M-mom? I am sor—"

"N-No, I swear it was all just a nightmare." Her voice coated with distress. "You are still in Inarizaki, right? Come on, dear. Call your sister, just invite Osamu and Atsumu. Invite the whole family! After all, I know that they would be our family too." 

She kept rambling, on and on as she tried to close her eyes from reality. "(Y/n) will get married to Osamu, I can see it. And I really approved their relationship, they are meant for each other." She giggled softly, tracing the plate on the table. "They are so in love, and they become the best version of themselves when they are together."

"Mom, I—" 

"So, why?" Her eyes penetrated on his face, deep inside his soul. "Why did you do that, Rintarou?" Gaze that filled with disappointment and disbelief. "Why did you destroy the love that was meant to last forever?"

_ Because I love him too.  _ He wanted to say that, he wanted to justify what he had done. But as he stood there, as he realised  _ all _ the damage that he had done, he wished he never slept with the man that was supposed to be yours. 

He looked down, biting his lips as he couldn't handle the fact that he made his mother like this. He had hurt not just one person, he didn't just hurt you and tore your life apart, no. But he too, holding his parent's heart in his hand, and the only thing that he did at the end — was to ruin the love that flows on the entire family.

Receiving no answer she hastily grabbed the empty plate on the table, throwing it towards his direction before his father could even stop her. "I don't want to see you, you are not Rintarou!" The older man grabbed both of her arms, securing her as he whispered sweet nothings to calm her down. "No! No! I want her back, I want my son back too."

She wailed, a painful cry packed the room that was supposed to be filled with laughter. Yet he couldn't look away, as the impact of what he did unfurled in front of him.

He should have run, evading all the harsh words that were being thrown towards him. But he didn't, he stood still as his mother screamed at the top of her lungs with tears streaming down her face. His father could only bite his lip, as there was nothing else that he could do.

"You are  _ not _ my son! You are not!"

Rintarou didn't move an inch, as he soaked all the rage and pain that his mother — who always loved him from before he was even born — wanted him to feel.

"Give me back my son, you monster!"

He could feel it seep into his soul. The impact of your death to her, how she was now nothing but a broken woman. And he didn't even retaliate, he hugged all the rage and sorrow like an old friend.

"Give me back my daughter!"

Because he deserved — every pain and wrath that this world gave to him.


	6. Will You Be Fine?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If only I could see right through you, if only I understood what inside your mind, if only we were there sooner. Would you still be here with us?"
> 
> Spin-Off, through the eyes of Akagi Michinari.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I just want to inform you that the story was ended in chapter 5! Chapter six and seven would add more depth about what actually happened, and why did the heroine decide to end her life.

_Ding dong~_

His ears perked up when the bell rang, indicating that a customer just walked in. He immediately stopped filling out the form on the computer. Softly, he put down his glasses beside the keyboard before standing up and prepared the gentle smile that he always gave for everyone.

Standing in front of him was a woman with neatly trimmed hair. Even though he could only see her back for now, he found the figure to be so familiar. Her clothes were not that sparkly or anything. But the way she stood so proper right now, making him feel that she was not just a random customer.

"Welcome, what can I—"

And when she turned her face to him, he could only gawk at the realisation. "Holy shit, (Y/n)?!" He shouted excitedly, clamping his mouth in an instant when he realised that he just screamed profanities. "Sorry, I am just, it's been a long time."

He immediately fixed his composure, clearing his throat before sending you his broad smile. You chuckled softly under your breath, taking some step closer to your upperclassman from high school.

"I am actually surprised that you are here too, Akagi-san." Your voice was so small, not full with confidence like how it used to. "How is life? The last time I heard from you was that you graduated with cum laude, that's marvellous!"

Though just like in high school days, every time you felt proud or just talked about people that you cared for, your eyes always glimmered with joy — and your voice, your voice sounded so much more cheery than usual. _You didn’t change._

"Gah, it was nothing!"

He felt embarrassed as he could not really take a compliment from you. So adorable, the little sister of the team that could always make the whole volleyball club do anything for you. "You, on the other hand. I heard you and Osamu are going to wed soon, right?"

But when he saw the agonizing look slipped from your face, he really wanted to take it back.

"We are not together anymore." You muttered the sentence, pain coated every word that you said. "Yeah, we are— Osamu and I, we are not together anymore, Akagi-san." You said it as if you still couldn't believe it, that the relationship you had with the businessman was nothing but a mere memory.

And he couldn't believe his ear either as he tried to let the information sink in.

You and Miya Osamu were the power couple, everyone in the high school was jealous of the two of you. Not because Osamu was the perfect man, not because you were the kindest person that Inarizaki ever had. But it was all because of the relationship itself.

Ever since you dated Osamu in your first year (and him in the second year), never once had the team seen you fighting with him. The two of you could always talk things through, without ever raising your voices at each other.

So he couldn't believe it, he couldn't believe the love that had been perfectly kindled since ten years ago — could be shattered.

"Oh, I—" He put his hand at the back of his neck, feeling guilty that he made you remember the relationship that you once had. "I am sorry, (Y/n). I really am."

"Nah, it's fine." You hid all the sadness that was shown before, replacing it with your usual cheery, gentle facade. "Nothing we can do to fix it. So I just have to keep moving forward! Someday I will be fine."

 _Will you?_ He couldn't help but want to ask you that, since he knew how much you were in love with one of the twins. _Will you be fine?_ But he didn't dare to ask that now, not when he was sure the wound in your heart was still fresh.

"Alright, then." He cleared his throat, trying to change the conversation. "So, what can I help you with?"

"I need sleeping pills."

"S-Sleeping pills?"

"Yes, Akagi-san." You said with a stern look before handing him a piece of paper. "Here, I have a prescription." He grabbed the white paper in your hand, reading it through the passage.

 _This is a lot._ He thought inside his head. _Who in the right mind allowed her to buy this much?_ His eyes flickered to the sign, raising one of his eyebrows as he recognized the doctor's name. One that usually took care of higher-ups like businessmen or conglomerates.

He eyed your expression and he could see the nervousness in your eyes. You made him feel that there was something you tried to hide. But he _trusted_ you, and right now as he turned his back around to grab the bottle of pills — he wished that you were trustworthy enough for your own good.

He really needed to make a phone call after this.

»»————- ♔ ————-««

“Akagi-san.” He jolted when he heard the familiar voice calling out for him. Within seconds, he dropped everything he was doing and walked towards the counter. There you were, resting your chin on the granite top as you waited for him to ask what you needed. “Hello there, senpai.”

“(Y/n), we are not in high school anymore!” The ex-libero rolled his eyes playfully, taking the white paper of her prescription from her hand. “Okay let’s see what you need today.” He squinted his eyes since now the writing was so small. “Oh wait, is this your last prescription?”

He folded the paper and turned his face to take a look at you. There was this giddy smile on your face, as if you just won something in your life. And to see you looking so happy, to see you cheer up and act like how you used to, was very much something that he had been longing to see.

“Well, my sleeping schedule has been good for the past few days.” You gingerly tucked the strands of hair out of your face. “The doctor lowered the dose too! So hopefully I wouldn’t get too addicted to the medicine again after this.”

Your smile was back, the same smile that made your cheeks look more fluffy since you always turned your lips so high. Everyone would be happy knowing this, to see you start getting your life back, ready to get on track once again.

He wondered whether you were going to your brother's bachelor party tonight. But then again, no. He wouldn’t want to risk your smile over a petty question.

“That’s really good to hear.” He said it all from the bottom of his heart. “I am genuinely happy, (Y/n).” Because to him, you were always like a sister that he could never have. “I can’t wait to see you striving in life with one hundred percent of your will until the end.”

“Oh, Akagi-san.” You bit your lips, feeling the tears start to prickle at the corner of your eyes. “I am so grateful to have you and the others.” Chuckling a little, you fetched a handkerchief from your bag and dabbed your cheek with it. “I think I would have been gone much sooner if not for you guys being here.”

“Hey, don’t say such a thing!” He pouted when he heard your words, somehow understanding the meaning that lingered under. “You are strong on your own, you are the one who gets to choose whether to fall into the deep end, or raise your head to see another day after all.” Grabbing the medicine in hand, he handed it for you to take. “And I, no. _We_ are all very proud of you.”

You were dumbfounded as you stared at your upperclassmen, one of the people who always had their hand on your back — for you to keep moving forward, for you to know that you would never be alone in this journey of life.

“Thank you, Akagi-san.” You didn’t care anymore that your eyes were all puffy with tears. “Now I am sure, I am really sure that I will be fine from now on.”

“Yeah.” He chuckled a little as your hand brushed with his, grabbing the medicine from him. “Now I am sure that you will be fine.”

You snorted when you heard the words, now bashful as you never thought someone would really care that much if you were fine or not. But Akagi was not the only one, he was not the only one that cared for your wellbeing — and he really wished you could remember that everyday.

“Of course.” You smiled at him one last time. “You can count on that.

»»————- ♔ ————-««

Akagi kept checking the clock today since there were lots of papers that he needed to sign, and some of the forms that he needed to fill on the computer. And right now as the clock strikes ten pm, he really hoped he could finish it all in an hour. Though the fact that he had a mild headache from his hangover this morning, he wasn't sure if he could finish it on time.

_Ding Dong~_

He groaned internally as the bell of the door rang. Just this evening, he remembered that he already locked the door and flipped the sign that indicated he was closed for the day. He wanted to just stay and continue the work, but he knew it was not professional if he did that.

So like usual, he took off his glasses and put them down beside the keyboard, dusting his clothes and wearing his gentle smile.

“Welcome, what can I help—”

Standing in front of him was the familiar woman with messy, damp hair. Even though he could only see her back for now, he knew the figure like the back of his hand. Her clothes were drenched from the rain outside, but she didn’t shiver, not even a little even though the room she just walked into was so cold.

And when she turned his head, her face adorned with droplets of rain. At least, at least he really wished it was just droplets of rain. “Holy shit, (Y/n)!” He was frantic by now when he finally snapped back into reality. Poor man tore some towels that were actually for sale, but he didn’t care anymore, he would write it down on his notes later.

His goal right now, was to make sure to warm you up. Your chuckle filled his ear as he ran around with lots of towels in his hand. He pushed the door that separated the counter and pushed you to sit on one of the sofas. “Here, here. Warm yourself with this, (Y/n).”

“Thank you, Akagi-san.” Your voice sounded so small as you tightened the towel that he draped around you. You looked so vulnerable, like a kitten that was left alone as the world poured you with harsh reality.

He took a step back to give you some space and focused on anything else. Right now he wanted to know why you were here, drenched all over your body without someone accompanying you. As he tried to focus back on his task and gave you time to collect yourself, his mind wandered back to the clothes that you wore.

When you were here to buy some medicine and sleeping pills, you usually fit yourself with comfortable shirts and pants. But today, you wore something more as if you were going on a _date_. There was make up on your face too, though still looked intact even if the rain assaulted your skin.

But he didn’t care much about it, he kept asking himself who was supposed to be with you? And why were you here, all alone with a look that he couldn’t quite fathom? Sometimes he wished you were easy to predict, but everyone knew your facade could fool anyone.

“Akagi-san.” He jerked his head to the side, seeing you there in front of the counter with the towel still wrapped around your body.

“Yes, (Y/n)?”

“Can I ask for the sleeping pills that were the same as the prescription I gave you?”

His fist clenched subconsciously hearing the question that was being thrown. Why did he have a bad feeling about this? He eyed your face, such a contrast to yesterday when you said you were doing better. Right now, it was as if you were back to the state you were in when he met you after years of being apart.

And he was afraid.

“Uhm, but didn’t I just give you a bottle yesterday, (Y/n)?”

He raised one of his eyebrows as he waited for your answer, feeling something tug at his heart as his mind wandered to some bad scenarios.

“I lost it, Akagi-san.” You answered with a little chuckle. “I forgot where I put it. It’s alright to buy more, right?” Voice so warm and comforting, throwing the question that somehow he couldn’t do anything but _nod._

He swallowed a huge lump, eyes darting towards the medication behind the glass cupboard. Akagi really wanted to say that he couldn’t give it to you, he wanted to say that there was a limited amount that could be given to the same customer.

That was a lie though, and he knew you were not that naive.

“Please, Akagi-san?” You pleaded, as if you were reaching out to him, asking for his help. “I mean, I need it since I want to be in top shape for the wedding tomorrow.”

“Huh? What wedding?”

 _You wouldn’t be that crazy, right?_ He thought. But when you looked up and met his gaze, he could feel someone took the air out of his lungs.

“My brother’s wedding, of course.” The words rolled so smoothly as if there was nothing that you should hate from it. “I need to be a supportive sister, Akagi-san. So please?” As if both grooms were not someone who stabbed you in the back. “Can I have it?”

There was something inside your orbs, in between the warm gaze that you always had, there was something. But he couldn’t pinpoint that, it had been such a long time since he had a heart to heart conversation with you. He didn’t really know much.

“Alright, alright.” So there was nothing that he could do. “Remember the prescription, okay?” Except to help you be in top shape for the big day tomorrow. “I really meant it, (Y/n).” One that was supposed to be yours.

“Aye aye, Akagi-san!” You chuckled, snatching your purse from the bag to pay for the medicine. “You don’t have to be worried about me.”

He smiled and grabbed the card from your hand. Feeling a little bit of relief in the middle of the sickening churn that was swirling inside his stomach. “I will be fine.”

**_But you were not._ **

**_You were not—_ **

**_Fine._ **

Akagi swallowed a huge lump as his hand gripped on the umbrella in his hand. Even though he was already sheltered, even though there was no rain that could harm him — he could feel it all inside his heart as he stood here right now.

He hated the smell that came after the rain wet the soil and grass. He hated how everyone had their heads hanging low as they followed the same line of vision. He hated all the cries and sobs that filled his eardrums alongside the rain.

But one thing that he hated the most — was how you were now buried six feet under.

_Everything was glamorous, the chandelier adorned the ceiling to light up the venue. Slow dance music could be heard throughout the room, accompanyting some couple that wanted to dance. He was having fun right now, with a glass of champagne in hand as he laughed with his high school friends._

_Though, his eyes kept roaming the entire room, searching for one particular person that said going to be here today. He wanted to know if she was really crazy enough to attend this wedding. Deep down, he knew she could be that unpredictable. But knowing it was such a bizarre circumstance she was in right now, he wished that she would not be here._

_“Looking for someone?” His orbs now fell to one of his closest friends in high school. “Your eyes keep straying away from us, you know?” The grey haired man let out a small chuckle since he could now see how the ex-libero’s ears turned red. “Is it a lady?”_

_“Gah, no one.” He pouted, though his remark made his other two friends focus on him. “She is a lady, though. But it’s not that I search for her to court her or something.”_

_“Goodness, Michinari. Stop hanging out with Shinsuke can’t you?” A deep chuckle came out from Ojiro, though the comment made all of them laugh, including Kita. “Both of you talked like we are in a historical romance movie.”_

_“With how their suit looks right now and how glamorous the entire venue is,” The tallest from them all spoke up, “I feel like we are indeed inside a historical movie.”_

_“Not you too, Ren!”_

_“But I'm really curious about you, Michinari.” Kita turned the focus all on his friend. “Who is it inside your mind right now? Entertain us.”_

_Akagi groaned as three of his friends literally begged for him to say something. The grey haired man even smirked, wanting to know who was the woman that preoccupied his mind, while Ojiro and Omimi snickering under their breath._

_“It’s (Y/n).”_

_“Holy crap—”_

_“But not in that way!” He huffed as he knew his friends were all having some wild scenarios inside their head. “She has been drinking some mild sleeping pills for weeks now — she’s getting better! Yes, yes, she’s getting better.” He muttered the last words as if he was trying to reassure himself. “I just, I just want to see her and make sure she’s al—”_

_“Aaaaaaaaah!”_

_Everyone stopped what they were doing as a blood curdling scream rang through the entire venue. It sent shivers down his spine, as if he knew what might come after that. Lots of people were searching for the sources of such agony. They all could hear the pain that coated the voice, and they were all wanting to know what happened._

_He didn’t even realise as Kita pulled him away since everyone made a way for one of the grooms. Dumbfounded, he was like everyone who wanted to understand what was occurring in this place right now. He listened to all the things that he could catch, letting all of the voices from the guest fill his eardrums._

_And he really wished that he could tear his ear from his body._

_He wanted to scream too as the words of what happened slipped through, he wanted to cry out as your smile and sweet words replayed inside his mind, he wanted to just numb his heart as he heard the murmur of how you were gone._

_“_ **_She died because she drowned when she took a bath!_ ** _”_

 _“_ **_What? How? Poor young lady._ ** _”_

 _“_ **_It's an overdose. She overdosed herself on sleeping pills._ ** _”_

_He was trembling all over his body as the information sunk into his mind. Then a familiar touch rested on his shoulder, trying to snap him back. It felt warm as if the owner of the hand knew the guilt that slowly seeped into his soul._

_“S-Shinsuke, I— She’s—”_

_“It’s not your fault, Michinari.”_

“Michinari.”

He gasped when someone called his name as if they brought him back alive. His eyes couldn’t leave the gravestone, where the name that was written there was someone that he cared so much for in his life. Someone that he wished — he could’ve saved.

There was nothing else that he could hear, except the same heavy rain hitting the ground and the weeping woman who had her lips on the tombstone, muttering every prayer as her husband shielded her from the rain with a black umbrella.

They were your parents, he knew that, they were always there at every match to support Inarizaki volleyball’s club all those years ago. Both of them were always so supportive, encouraging the whole team when everyone was feeling down. Truly an angel, just like their daughter — just like _you._

“Michinari.” Kita tried to pull him away from the spot, knowing that he would even stay for days in front of your grave if he could. “Come on, let me drop you home.”

Akagi could not do anything as his friend dragged him from there. Even as he left, and now being sheltered inside a car, his mind kept spiralling into the same thought that had haunted him since yesterday he knew you were gone.

 _She was gone._ You, someone that had become a sun for a lot of people, were now gone. _And it was because of you, Michinari._ If only, if only. _You shouldn’t have given her the pills, you know that she’s lying._ But he trusted you.

“I am sorry.” He gripped his own hair, so tight as he wanted to just rip it apart. “I should not have given her the sleeping pills.” He could see you, smiling as you said that you were now all good and didn’t have to bother him anymore. “It’s my fault, it's my fault that she’s here now. It’s my fault that she’s de—”

_Slap!_

His cheek sting from the sudden blow that he got. Hands that gripped on the strands of his hair before, now went down to his face. Eyes widened with horror, he finally looked up to see his friend with a stern gaze filled with rage. “You didn’t just—

“I have told you so many times, Michinari, and I won’t repeat it again.” Kita’s voice boomed throughout the small space of his car. “No matter what, she would’ve gotten her hands on sleeping pills. If you didn’t give it to her, she would’ve asked another person. On and on, she would have found her own way.”

“But—”

“You know how she is.” There was pain, and more guilt. But his friend swallowed it all down his throat. “If her mind was already set on something, she would do it. No matter what she would do anything to get to her goal.”

“But I should have seen it, Shinsuke.”

A bitter laugh slipped from his mouth. Right now, there was nothing that could make him change his mind. He took part in it. He had the right to say no, he had the right to not give what you wanted.

He had the right to save you, at least maybe to make you see another day.

But no, he didn’t do anything and gave you one aspect that brought you closer to your end. No one else did anything, and when they tried to, it was all too late.

“ _We_ should have seen it.”

And nothing could heal the pain that everyone felt. All because of two people — that decided it was alright to break your heart and soul.

  
  



	7. I Am Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I am sorry, I never want to hurt someone, let alone you who always be there for me. I am sorry, for every time I take a look at you — I saw him instead."
> 
> Spin-Off, through the eyes of Her.

To you, having someone that you could love until the end of time was surely a blessing. For the past years of your life, you had that. For the past years of your life, you were blessed by the existence of someone that made you feel complete, that made you feel so alive every time you woke up with him by your side.

His touch was so gentle. His fingers always tucked the strands of your hair behind your ear. The reason for that was simple — he wanted to see you more clearly. He wanted to gaze at your eyes, the gentle, silvery warm orbs that filled with affection.

The love that you had for him was something out of this world. Something that even his twin brother and teammates get jealous of. You dropped everything, your long time dream which, if you had pursued it, would take you thousands of kilometres apart from him. Why? Because you wanted to be with him — and every dream that he had was bound to be yours in the end.

So you couldn’t really blame them if he would be treated differently after what he had done to you.

Sometimes you asked yourself what would happen if you didn’t fall in love with him, you wanted to know another scenario that could have unfurled in your life if only he was not the one who had your heart. Would it be the same? Would you still feel this immense pain that kept hurting you with every breath that you take?

Or would you get your happily ever after?

You eyed two bottles of sleeping pills in your hand. One that felt like hope since the dose was lowered, a sign that you were starting to get better. But the other one, you needed to lie to get the other one.

Your upperclassmen was sharp, you could see the hesitation on his face as he got the sleeping pills for you. You shouldn’t have asked him, you shouldn’t have lied and given him hope that you would be fine. Saying that you would be there standing tall at the wedding venue of your brother and someone that you loved.

It was all a lie, you had lost in this game of life as it brought you nothing but guilt and heartbreak. So you opened up the _two_ bottles simultaneously.

“I am sorry, Akagi-san.”

Because now, falling into a deep slumber until _someone_ woke you up, sounded like the best decision that you could take.

_“Slow down or you will choke yourself, dumdum.” Hearing the nickname made you roll your eyes. You didn’t hear him out though, and kept shoving the quiche in front of you without resting. “(Y/n), oi!”_

_As if on cue, you swallowed a little too fast and choked at the food. The blonde setter could only shake his head in disappointment on seeing you like this, but the way his lips quirked up in amusement could make everyone see how the man was not really disgruntled by your action. “I told you so.” He opened up a bottle of mineral water and handed it to you._

_You snatched the drink from his hand and gulped it all down in one take. The second you slammed the bottle on the table, you eyed the expression that belonged to your company. His amber orbs looked at you with shock written all over his face, mouth agape as he couldn’t believe you just gulped down half a litre of water._

_“What?”_

_“You are one crazy bitch.” He chuckled before his fork took the last bite of your quiche and threw it inside his mouth. And before you could protest, he opened up his lips once again. “I am the one who paid.” He said it with his mouth still full with the bite, making some of the crumbs spills all over the table._

_Grimacing, you dusted away all the grains with a tissue. Somehow wondering why you agreed to go out with him in the first place._

_“Ugh, fine.”_

_You groaned and averted your gaze outside the window, occupying yourself while waiting for him to finish his own meal. You remembered that he was the one who treated you today, saying that it was a celebration since it was the first time you were out of your hours after weeks swallowing yourself with pain and tears all alone._

_There was something about Atsumu that somehow gave you warm feelings that you thought you would never have again. The night you stepped outside your home without a ring band adorning your finger, you were sure that you left all the love and joy inside that place._

_You were sure that you would never have a chance to feel the same warmth that you used to share with the black-haired man._

_Yet you felt it, you didn’t know what kind of miracle happened every time the blonde setter popped out in front of your house, but you felt like your heart was never shattered in the first place — as if it was always intact, as if all of the pain that you felt was just a nightmare that was gone the second you wake up._

_You kept falling deep into his eyes, the beautiful shape of orbs that captivated you every time his gaze fell on your face. It was filled with affection and care, a gaze that you were addicted to. Since sometimes you could see him looking at you with — fondness._

_He was the one who you usually saw in the morning, he was the one who offered you his embrace for you to cry on, he was the one who kept putting a smile on your face even without him trying. And somewhere along the line, you felt like he always owned your heart._

_“Hey, (Y/n).”_

_You smiled as you peered outside the window and noticed the dark skies. Then again, even though the freezing rain started to fall outside, you were sure that it would not make you feel any less warm as long as you were with him._

_“(Y/n)?”_

_“Yes,_ _**love** _ _?”_

_And then there was silence._

_His orbs blinked as he could not believe to hear such nicknames coming from your lips. It was so natural the way you said it, as if you practised that for hours in front of the mirror. No, not like that. It was as if you had called him like that for the past years of your life._

_Your whole body tensed as you saw something else inside his orbs. There was something — yearning, lingering there as his face lit up. But it was amber, the gaze that now met with yours was amber. Not silver, not the greyish stone colour that you always ended up staring at for hours._

_You inhaled sharply as your mind tried to tell you something, something so wrong that you were now disgusted with yourself as the realisation sunk in._

_Without wasting another second, you immediately grabbed your bag and stood up, striding towards the exit and kept your head hanging low. You kept your gaze to the front and just barged into the heavy rain, not caring at how he shouted out your name from inside the cafe._

_You really wanted to take another look at him, just to lock the realisation deep inside your soul. You wanted to be_ _**selfish** _ _, just for once._

_But you couldn’t._

_You felt someone gripped on your wrist, so tight as if they knew you would be gone if they let you go. It was so rough, calloused fingers wrapped around your wrist to remind you that he was_ _**not** _ _the same person that broke your heart — yet it was the same contact that you used to feel._

_You missed this kind of touch, the sign of hard work that for the past year you couldn’t find from someone who was once your lover, Miya Osamu. Ever since he was focused more on the business and spending more time with you, his hands became so different. It became — soft._

_From cutting ingredients on the kitchen, to typing away reports inside the office. From spending time on different kinds of branches, to lazing around inside the house that you two shared. From having_ _**you** _ _in his embrace, to getting into bed with another person._

_And right now as you turned your head to face the man who had been trying to pick up all of your shattered pieces, you couldn’t look at him the same anymore._

_Because when you looked at his amber eyes, you could only think of the silvery one._

_“Hey, what happened?” His voice was so soft, filled with worry as he tried to pull you to shelter, yet you didn’t budge. “(Y/n), I am sorry. Did I do something wrong?”_

_It was not fair, not fair to him. All this time you have been looking at him while thinking of someone else. Every time you saw him smile at you as he greeted you in front of your door, it was his twin that always popped out in your mind. And yet he was here right now, gazing at you with the same look that_ _**he** _ _always gave to you._

_“N-No, you didn’t say or do anything wrong.” Your mind tried to utter any words that could make him understand. “It was me, A-Atsumu. Not you, I am the one who did something.”_

_“Alright, we can talk it out.” His grip was now loosened, eyes begging for you to follow him back inside. “You can always talk to me about anything, I will listen.”_

_“You won’t like this one.” You snorted as your empty heart now started to get filled with something else. “You will hate me, Atsumu.” Something else called guilt._

_The blonde setter cocked one of his eyebrows in confusion, eyes scanning yours in search of some kind of sign. You looked so scared, and he wanted nothing more than to pull you into his embrace. But as he took another step toward you, you immediately took a step backwards._

_“I could never hate you, (Y/n).” He whispered under his breath. So low, yet enough for you to hear. “From all things that I have ever seen in life, you are one that I could never hate. Even if I tried to.”_

_There was sincerity lingered on his voice, and it made you feel even worse for every second passed he stood here with you under the rain. “Nothing, there’s nothing you could do to make me hate you.”_

_“Because you don’t know what’s inside my head, Atsumu.”_

_“Still, I am sure that—”_

_“I see Samu in you for god sake!”_

_And when you could not feel his hand wrapped around your wrist anymore, you knew that your confession was so much more impactful than it was supposed to._

_From the ten years of knowing Miya Atsumu, you could see that he was a man full of pride. He refused to be acknowledged as the same as his twin brother. The two of them were always so competitive, almost about anything that they encountered. Even if they cared for each other, even if they always had each other’s back, they never liked to be seen as the other twin._

_“What? What do you mean?”_

_He knew, of course he knew what that meant. But he didn’t want to believe that as he wanted to embrace the tingle inside his heart when you looked at him. Atsumu wanted to believe that when your orbs glimmered with love every time your eyes fell on his figure, it was him that you saw — not Osamu, not his twin brother who already wrecked your heart apart._

_“I always see him, Atsumu.” You continued your words as you wrapped your hands up and down on your arms. “When you smiled at me, it was the same smile that he always gave me.” Your voice wavered as you stared at the man who had done nothing but care for your wellbeing. “And when I look at your eyes, Atsumu, I—”_

_**I see love.** _

_Your lips parted, not caring anymore as the droplets of rain made its way inside your mouth. The reason why you thought he was the answer to your prayer, why you thought he was the miracle that God bestowed upon you, why you thought maybe he could be the end of your suffering — it was not because he was the cure to your heart._

_But it was because you saw someone who owned your heart and soul inside of him._

_Because the amber orbs looked at you like how the black-haired man used to look at you — one gaze filled with love._

_You found one expression dominating his facade right now. Hurt. It was shown all over his face as he realised what you were trying to say. It was as if he could read your mind as you took some steps backward, shaking your head softly, begging him not to follow you this time._

_When your eyes lingered on his figure, shoulders slumped with remorse evident on his face, you wondered if that was how you looked the night Osamu confessed the things that he had done. Nothing but pain and betrayal that he couldn’t seem to shake. Atsumu had given you the love that you lost, trying to aid your heart little by little._

_But it wouldn’t work, you knew your own heart — it would never work. You could never see him without seeing someone else, you could never see him without the shadows of his twin brother. So you had to leave, you needed to stop showing him something that you could never give._

_You needed to stop giving him your love, one that was_ _**never** _ _meant for him._

Throwing the bottles of pills into the sink, you gulped down lots of water before letting your feet bring you towards the tub. You gently took off the bathrobe that wrapped around your figure, shielding you from the shivering atmosphere of winter.

Your orbs fell on the milky white water that filled your bathtub, caused by the bath bomb which you bought all those months ago. You remembered your love told you about how the aromas smelled like home. Like it was a fine morning where the two of you huddled up in the arms of each other.

He tended to love his coffee with milk, so one thing that you always did when you woke up first, was to make him a cup of coffee just how he likes it. A spoonful of sugar, a half-cup filled with black coffee, and the rest with full cream milk.

If you calling out his name couldn’t even wake him up, the aroma of the freshly brewed coffee was enough. His nose would twitch as the smell fulfilled the entire room, and seconds later, his eyes would open and show off the beautiful silvery orbs that you could never get tired of.

And now as you rested your head at the edge of the tub, gazing at the ceiling, you wondered if it felt the same — every morning that he woke up to.

Your mind kept flickering back and forth to the twins. How one of them had your heart yet didn’t need it anymore, while the other wanted your heart yet you could never give it to. It frustrated you beyond anything to know that someone held out his heart for you to take, yet you knew you couldn’t do the same to him, since once you loved someone it was meant to last forever.

There would always be a trace, no matter how many years went by. Maybe once upon a time, you did love the blonde setter. But you never invested yourself in the feelings, making it difficult to make bloom the same kind of love like what you had for the black-haired man.

It was still engraved into your mind, the look on Atsumu’s face as you confessed about how he was just a lookalike. That no matter how much effort that he did to you — at the end of the day everything about him only reminded you of his twin brother.

And you couldn’t bear it anymore.

It was alright, to be the one who got hurt. To be the one who felt the pain of losing someone you loved until death came knocking at your door. It was alright to know that everything wouldn’t be fine, as long as it was just you, it was fine, you could take it.

But to meet a pair of amber eyes, filled with hope as it asked for your love — it broke you beyond repair once you realised it would never be him that your heart wanted. Because when you gazed at those warm eyes, a flicker of someone else took over in an instant.

When you reached for Atsumu, you were reaching for his twin brother. When you laughed with him, you felt like you were laughing with the love of your life instead of him. And you knew damn well it was wrong, you knew that your existence became a curse.

You didn’t bother to wipe the tears that slowly cascaded down your cheek. It dripped, one by one, mixed with the milky white substance that enveloped your whole body.

Surely you never thought that someone like Miya Osamu would do something as low as cheating. To betray the love that you have given to him for the majority of your life. You had given everything to him, mustering all of your energy to make sure that you win in this life — together.

But he let go of your hand, leaving you alone as you get lost in the dark, aching for his hand to guide you back to life.

And when you could finally stand all alone, it was not tall and mighty like how it used to. Since every time you turned around you were haunted by him and how his hand held another. Someone that was not you, someone that tragically — you had given everything too.

“ **The superior twin is here!** ”

You bit your lips as his voice ranged through the entire room. How could he still sound so cheery, so carefree even though he must have known too well that you could never give him what he asked you to. “ **I am serious though, I am older, therefore I am superior.** ”

He didn’t deserve it, to be seen as someone else. He had his own halo, shone so bright as everyone could see that he was the sun while his twin brother was the moon. Yet there you were, always comparing, always seeing the black-haired man instead of him.

“I don’t know where you got that way of thinking, but I will let it slide for you.” You answered, cringing at your own voice as it sounded weak. Right now you hope that he couldn’t hear the splash of water as you tried to be as still as ever.

“ **Ah, miss (Y/n), always so humble.** ” He chuckled a little. It was contagious, how his laugh could make your lips shaped into a genuine smile. “ **Say, what have I done to get such privilege hearing your voice?** ”

You sighed softly, feeling that you were the one who had the privilege hearing his voice for the past few weeks. He could have gone to practice sooner, but he decided to check up on you first. He could have gone somewhere with his teammates, but he thought spending time with you was important.

He prioritised you more than anything, just like how you always prioritised his twin brother above anything else.

“I just need company, Atsumu.” You breathed out softly, hands accidentally knocked the bottle of soap off to the tub. “Are you busy helping around the wedding?”

“ **No, I am not busy. Not at all.** ” From how quiet the other line was, you knew that he was probably not going to the wedding. You really wanted to scold him, telling him that he should have gone there and supported his twin brother — but you didn’t have the energy to do so. “ **I am here, (Y/n). I am always here if you need me.** ”

“Yeah?” You purse your lips when the words rolled down his tongue. So honest as he gave you a flicker of warm that makes you feel wanted. “Then, would you tell me a story? Anything? I just want to listen to your voice.”

His voice was a little more pitched than Osamu, intonation always went up and down, never once steady. But there was this similarity that you loved to hear as he talked to you. You felt like you were wanted, as if when he had a conversation with you he was talking to someone that he wanted to keep in his life.

And you were so disgusted with yourself all over again, for even when the countdown started, you still hoped for the love that you had lost from your brother.

“ **Since you asked so nicely.** ”

He made you feel at peace. As you closed your eyes and listened on and on to his voice. Just like how you predicted, his intonation went up and down as he blurted out all random things that he could collect from his mind.

It made you remember all those beautiful high school days. Atsumu always jogged towards you the second you walked into the gymnasium with your brother and his twin. He loved to snitch Osamu so bad, making the poor younger twin tense up and pout since now you and the others knew all the embarrassing things that he had done.

Though you always stole a little bit of his time before practice started. Your hand interlaced with the silvery eyed man as you reassured him that no matter how many embarrassing things that he did, it could never change the way you looked at him.

The setter would boo at the two of you for sharing PDA inside the gymnasium, while your brother would mostly send a glare to the blonde for interrupting such a thing. You and him just chuckled at this, and he would give you a soft kiss on your lips — to tell you that he loves you — before finally running towards the court where the others were waiting.

Each one of them was your everything. So you knew it was the right thing to do to call someone that could bring you back to the happiest year of your life.

When life just seemed so perfect, when everything felt so right.

“Hey, Atsumu.”

“ **Hm?** ”

“Thank you.”

And you wished, that someday when God permits you to meet them again,

Everything would be just — _fine_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much who have been leaving kudos and comment. This story was supposed to be one part. I write this because my boyfriend for almost three years cheated on me and I need to pour the feelings out. People have been asking for a continuation since I write it first on Tumblr a few months ago. And I just continue this for the last two months.
> 
> For everyone who was here now, I just want to say that all of you deserved to be loved, with honesty and loyalty. I hope each one of you found the love that you deserved. Wishing you guys the best of life.
> 
> Love, Eycee.


End file.
